Dear Cr-Abby from Uncertain in Long Beach

DESERTED GAL PAL CAN'T DENY PAIN OF STRAINED FRIENDSHIP

DEAR CR-ABBY:


My friend, "Steven," and I have known each other 10 years. He and I have seen each other through many good times, and a few bad ones.
Most recently, Steven was in a relationship with a woman who couldn't stand the thought of his having female friends. So, for the last 18 months, the only contact I have had with him was via e-mail -- and that was very seldom.
Steven recently e-mailed me saying he had broken up with this insecure woman. He expressed how sorry he was for the limited contact, and said he would like for us to rebuild our friendship. I'm thrilled to finally have my friend back, but I also feel somewhat resentful toward him for his having discarded me.
Cr-Abby, I missed Steven. But how can I be his pal again when I am still hurt by his blatant disregard for our friendship and my feelings over the past year and a half?


-- UNCERTAIN IN LONG BEACH



Dear Uncertain,

You may be uncertain but I'm not...you are the friend who is the port for his emotional ship when he isnt on the high seas. It is obvious that the two of you are not going sailing together hence you can be CERTAIN that your reconnection is going to last as long as his dry spell.

It is possible that his next girlfriend maybe more agreeable to your on-going friendship than the last, but that is not the norm and it's probably not the only reason he cuts you off when he is "involved".

Friends come in all shapes, sizes and levels of closeness...you can keep this one in your circle of friends provided you steel yourself to the pending reality of the nature and depth of the friendship.



Since this last experience was hurtful to you I suspect your expectations of his friendship is higher than what he can provide consistently. Hence my advice is to toughen up or opt out.



Cr-Abby