Dear Cr-Abby from Eve in Upstate New York

Dear Crabby,

My husband "Adam" and I bought a lovely, secluded home in the country. We have no children, and our nearest neighbor is a hlaf-mile away. Now it seems like my husband plans to spend the rest of his life in the nude. He loves it and often tells me how relaxing it feels. I must admit his temperament has improved.

Please don't get me wrong--I'm not a prude. But Adam goes for days on end without wearing a stitch unless we're going out of someone is coming over. He works in the yard, cuts the grass, hikes in our woods naked--and has a head-to-toe golden tan.

I don't mind seeing my husband in the buff. He's clean and well groomed and nerly as trim as when we first married. (We both are) My problem is, Adam is ocnstantly after me ot join him. I admire his nerve, but I just can't bring myself to go outdoors with nothing on, despite the privacy. My biggest hang up is fear of getting caught.

Last month, Adam was mowing hte lawn adn didn't hear the UPS truck down our long driveway. Caught red-handed, he nonchalantly signed for the package, wished the driver a good day and went back to work. The driver winked and gave me a thumbs-uyp as he drove away.

Should I give in to Adam's request and give his nude lifefstyle a try? I know it would mean a lot to him. I told him I'd follow your advice.--EVE in Upstate New York

Dear Apple a Day near Albany,

Are you kidding me...Adam and Eve with nudity issues? Consult the good book and you will recall that it was YOU and that darn Snake w/the Apple that caused you to be ashamed of nudity in the first place. One bite and you were grasping for the nearest Fig Leaf.

You are in a long marriage, your husband has seen you in the bathroom, nude from all angles, and in various states of half dress. You should be happy that his interest hasn't waned as gravitational forces have taken their toll.

If he is outside tending to the "honey-do's" list; working the soil, mowing the lawn and making landscaping improvements to Eden, the least you can do is give him a little flash from time to time.

Throw the man a bone(r)!!!

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Troubled Teen in Tennessee

Dear Crabby,

My only child "lauren" is 16. Her boyfriend, "Scott", treated her well when they first started dating a year ago. Now he talks down to her, makes fun of her and breaks up with her every other week for a few days. Lauren doesn't talk to us about these break ups or anything else. She talks to Scott's mom and adad and believes everything they tell her.

Lauren used to be clsoe to my sister and her kids, but now she ignores them. She would stay at Scott's 24/7 if we let her. She goes there even when he's not home, and has asked if she coudl spend the night over there. Of course, we refuse.

We're not bad parents. Her friends all tell our daughter how lucky she is. Lauren has a nice car, pretty clothes and just about everything she wants. She doesn't have chores, but holds down a part time job for spending money.

I don't know why she allows Scott to disrespect her and why she has forsaken her family. We liked Scott and his family at first -- until they started turning our daughter against us. She'll be 18 before long, and I don;t want to lose my daughter. Help!

Dear Near Childless in Chattanooga,

You assert "we're not bad parents" and then back up that claim with your version of proof that includes "she doesn't do chores, has a nice car, pretty clothes and everything she wants!"

Cr-abby isn;t call you out as "bad parents" but I would stringly suggest that you "ideate" and reread the above paragraph...does the "proof" you offer actually demonstrate your parental acumen?

You need to suck it up and demand that she stop seeing Scott. Take the car keys, revoke priviledges etc. and end this destructive relationship. She'll no doubt howl like a wolf and act out. She may even threaten all manner of scary stuff as this will be a shock to her cottled existance to date.

Don't be frightened, be resolute. Realistically you have only two options;

a) Status Quo and lose her as she heads along this known path

b) Venture into the unknown territory called tough love and risk losing her

"A" has no chance of success

"B" has a glimmer of a chance

I'd choose "B"

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Wavering in the South

DEAR CR-ABBY:

I am trying hard to rebuild my marriage. My husband and I have three young children. Four months ago, I met a man (I'll call him "Jack") who made me feel like I haven't felt in a long time. We have not slept together.
We tried several times to stop seeing each other, but unfortunately, my attraction to him was too strong. This week my husband and I separated. I saw Jack this morning. Before things went too far I told him that I had herpes.
Cr-Abby, he practically had a heart attack -- and ended it on the spot!
The thing is, what I said wasn't true. I just could not think of another way to make him stop being available so I could concentrate on my marriage. I feel like such a coward, and I am heartbroken. Not only do I miss Jack terribly, I also can't bear the thought that someone who made me feel so happy would just turn his back on me.

Would there be any point in telling him that I lied, or did I do the right -- albeit cowardly -- thing?

-- WAVERING IN THE SOUTH

Dear Seeing Stars in Bars Near Appomattox,

First things first...Let the dust settle a bit with the soon to be ex-husband before you start jumping into or being jumped on by anyone in a new sty.

Newsflash,...all "new love" feels exciting and fresh...sustainable?...NOT!

Herpes or no Herpes you need to see one doctor or the other kind...you need to take your foot off the gas pedal, drive the car to a safe packing lot and sort out your route before you take the wheel again.

Of course, having been witness to this movie before you will not listen and car wreck #2 and more is right around the corner.

Did I hear you right... You have 3 small children and just newly separated? Get your priorities aligned. Get the kids into a routine of safety and security before you bring home new "daddy candidates".

There are assorted battery operated devices available to help you through the rough, lonely patches while you hit the reset button on your life.

Cr-Abby

PS; Get off Jack and let Jack, Jack Off to Get Off while you tend to matters of more import!!!

Dear Cr-Abby from Trapped in Calgary

DEAR CR-ABBY:
My father-in-law passed away in 2002 and had a friend I'll call "Roy," who was his skiing buddy. This "friend" now comes to Canada every winter for a 10-day vacation. He expects us to drive him to his destination two hours away, over icy roads and at times blizzard-like conditions, leave him there for a week, return the following weekend at night, stay the weekend and then host him for two to three days.
Abby, this is a busy time of year for me. It is not our vacation time. My husband thinks it's no big deal, but I feel differently. I have tried to get my husband to stop this "chauffeur" duty back and forth each year, to no avail. This year, Roy will be spending an extra two nights at our home. I am too busy to entertain, cook meals, etc.
Please advise! -- TRAPPED IN CALGARY

Dear Caged and Cantankerous in Canada,

Obviously your HUSBAND views this man as family (he probably played an important role during his youth as a friend of his father). He may simply view this as paying tribute to his father by tending to his father's friend.

As your husband is willing to do the driving...you are left with only one burden...
...Tolerating a houseguest and serving up a few meals over a 2 or 3 day period.

If you can't bring yourself to do it for your father-in-laws friend, do it for your husband and shut the F*** up! BTW, if it is just too big a burden to clang a few pots in the kitchen...ask hubby for a few Canadian dollars and go fetch grub at a take out!

I suspect your husband tolerates and accommodates all manner of fun folks on your side of the family tree. Judging by your lack of empathy and flexibility I'll bet he just loves it when your mom drops in...not!

Women!,... can't shut'em up, can't kill'em, can't train 'em!!!

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Untouchable in NY

DEAR CR-ABBY:

I was pleased that you advised "Remorseful in Georgia" (Jan. 27) to find another outlet for her guilt and "leave the scab alone." I was recently contacted by my fiance's former girlfriend, a woman who had made several attempts to break us up when we first became a couple.
Although she apologized for the problems she tried so hard to cause between us, all it did was dredge the feelings of anger and anxiety up again. She was calling for purely selfish reasons -- not to give me the chance to confront her, but under the guise of "wanting to be friends." Whatever made her think I would want her friendship?!
If "Remorseful" needs a way to rid herself of her guilt, I recommend she get therapy. She may be trying to escape her karma. In my experience, she can run, but she can't hide.
-- UNTOUCHABLE IN NEW YORK

Dear Still Smoldering Apple Fretter,

...and I quote... "She may be trying to escape her karma. In my experience, she can run, but she can't hide."

Yep, sounds like you have this anger thing licked. Yes siree' no inner demons biting at you. You're the model for the Forgive and Forget crowd...NOT

As for Untouchable, I suspect you are a bit less like Eliot Ness and a tad more akin to the guy with the baseball bat...probably shouldn't "do lunch" with the ex-girlfriend anytime soon.
http://moviedeaths.blogspot.com/2008/02/untouchables-baseball.html

Cr-Abby