August 27, 2008
DEAR (CR) ABBY: For the past 25 years, my husband, “Don,” has had his hair cut by a woman I'll call “Barber-Ella.” She's slim, attractive and full of energy. Don has mentioned that she often pats him on the leg and kind of flirts with him.
We have been married 35 years, and I've never had a reason to mistrust him. Our life hasn't been a bed of roses. We have a 30-year-old disabled daughter who lives with us. I have rheumatoid arthritis, which causes me pain and saps my energy. The medication has made me gain weight in my belly and face, and I feel unattractive.
Barber-Ella seems to have a lot of influence on Don. She persuades him to buy certain products, and once talked him out of a medical procedure “because it went wrong for a friend.” Recently he told me she has been telling him dirty jokes and using four-letter words in the telling. Don says, “She likes to see how red my ears get.” Although she is married, I'm not convinced that's all she's up to.
I feel this woman's behavior is inappropriate. Does this have more to do with my own insecurities than with her? Why does she do this? Should I ask him to change stylists? Should I call her and ask when she'll be adding lap dances to her services?
I don't want to put Don on the defensive or make it seem like I don't trust him. Please give me your opinion because I'm losing perspective.
– Really Upset In St. Paul, Minn.
Dear R.U. too much of a Saint,
Oh, to have hair again,...I remember how it felt to have a nice young thing run her fingers through my hair during the shampoo foreplay....but I digress back to you.
So, this is really more about you and your esteem issues and less about Vamperella. Your reports of her activity come from hubby which is a good sign,...you only need to worry when he stops telling you about his day.
Medical issues aside, weight is a function of food in, sweat and crap out and exercise. Within your limitations you have power to work on that...and that aint the Beautician's fault.
There is something sexy about having a strange women wash your hair and these days they actually massage your temples etc. Remeber, tips are part of the total compensation package for stylists.
Anyway, next time hubby's hair starts dancing on his shoulders,...throw him back in his favorite chair next to the sink, light some candles, pour him a beverage of choice and do the Deliah thing with massage and other extras at no charge. Try trimming head to toe!
You got nuttin' to worry about!
The problem isnt the mirror your husband looks in down the street, its that reflection you see in your bathroom at home.
Cr-Abby
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Dear Cr-Abby from Silent Supporter
August 26, 2008
DEAR (CR) ABBY: Would you please tell your readers that not reciting or participating in the Pledge of Allegiance does NOT mean that someone is a “bad American”?
For religious reasons, I cannot say the Pledge. I sit quietly while it's recited, but unfortunately, others can't keep quiet about my silence. They make a scene and begin interrogating me – especially at sporting events. Others have better manners but still insist that I stand in “respect” – but standing IS participating.
Cr-Abby, I have been punched, kicked, cursed at and spat upon, often in front of my children. People scream about their war records or their soldier relatives. Well, I have kin “over there,” too. Please do not assume that nonparticipants are bad people. They might even be Canadian!
– Silent Supporter, Benson, N.C.
Dear SS (I crack myself up sometimes),
Your request of me is nothing more than "spitting in the wind"...even if I wax poetically about your right not to observe this rite of Patriotism the impact will be nill. Unfortunately,, I have no power to protect you from stupid people doing stupid things.
That said, Cr-Abby wants to take you to the theological wood shed for a moment. The bible says "render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's and render unto God that which is God". Where is it written or inferred in your book of choice that standing during a song is idiotry or an afront to your GOD? Is this your conviction or the inane prodding of a minister who has made a "man's choice" about how you should act?
Having spent some time with JW's I totally get the "don't worship a golden calf/IDOL thing". However, if you think that this country's religious freedom tenets will eliminate you appearing "odd man/woman out" in venues where standing during the National Anthem or Pledge is the norm you are in for a lifetime of disappointment.
Why not come to the ball game in the middle of the first inning...you still get to see the home team bat :)
BTW; I'm curious...when they sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" during the 7th inning stretch are you also precluded from standing, stretching or singing? If you are allowed to do that because it's whimsical and not saluting a false diety, why not think of the flag as just a fun little piece of cloth and the pledge is just a little fun ditty handed down form generation to generation.
You have the right to not participate in those activities and you should be able to do so without violence or abuse, but other folks have the right to look at you and think what they will about your choice.
If you are MAKING A STAND NOT TO STAND you need to grow the internal stones to handle/absorb the verbal snipes your choice(s) are likely to inspire in others.
OTHERS SHOULD NOT ABUSE YOU FOR YOUR CHOICE!!!
There I said it...Now what?
John the Baptists had his head chopped off by the Roman's and you dont hear him moaning.
If you want to be God's soldier, there are costs associated with the duty...nut it up and quit whining!
CR-Abby
DEAR (CR) ABBY: Would you please tell your readers that not reciting or participating in the Pledge of Allegiance does NOT mean that someone is a “bad American”?
For religious reasons, I cannot say the Pledge. I sit quietly while it's recited, but unfortunately, others can't keep quiet about my silence. They make a scene and begin interrogating me – especially at sporting events. Others have better manners but still insist that I stand in “respect” – but standing IS participating.
Cr-Abby, I have been punched, kicked, cursed at and spat upon, often in front of my children. People scream about their war records or their soldier relatives. Well, I have kin “over there,” too. Please do not assume that nonparticipants are bad people. They might even be Canadian!
– Silent Supporter, Benson, N.C.
Dear SS (I crack myself up sometimes),
Your request of me is nothing more than "spitting in the wind"...even if I wax poetically about your right not to observe this rite of Patriotism the impact will be nill. Unfortunately,, I have no power to protect you from stupid people doing stupid things.
That said, Cr-Abby wants to take you to the theological wood shed for a moment. The bible says "render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's and render unto God that which is God". Where is it written or inferred in your book of choice that standing during a song is idiotry or an afront to your GOD? Is this your conviction or the inane prodding of a minister who has made a "man's choice" about how you should act?
Having spent some time with JW's I totally get the "don't worship a golden calf/IDOL thing". However, if you think that this country's religious freedom tenets will eliminate you appearing "odd man/woman out" in venues where standing during the National Anthem or Pledge is the norm you are in for a lifetime of disappointment.
Why not come to the ball game in the middle of the first inning...you still get to see the home team bat :)
BTW; I'm curious...when they sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" during the 7th inning stretch are you also precluded from standing, stretching or singing? If you are allowed to do that because it's whimsical and not saluting a false diety, why not think of the flag as just a fun little piece of cloth and the pledge is just a little fun ditty handed down form generation to generation.
You have the right to not participate in those activities and you should be able to do so without violence or abuse, but other folks have the right to look at you and think what they will about your choice.
If you are MAKING A STAND NOT TO STAND you need to grow the internal stones to handle/absorb the verbal snipes your choice(s) are likely to inspire in others.
OTHERS SHOULD NOT ABUSE YOU FOR YOUR CHOICE!!!
There I said it...Now what?
John the Baptists had his head chopped off by the Roman's and you dont hear him moaning.
If you want to be God's soldier, there are costs associated with the duty...nut it up and quit whining!
CR-Abby
Dear Cr-Abby from Best Friends' Wife
August 25, 2008
DEAR(CR) ABBY: My husband's best friend of 40 years, “Nick,” started dating a woman about a month ago. Nick has been down on his luck personally and financially for several years. He called and asked if he could bring “Hattie” to our home for dinner. We agreed, hoping it would be a good relationship for him.
Within 15 minutes of meeting her, Hattie told me she was bipolar and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. She has two small children, but when I asked where they were, she changed the subject. Nick doesn't have kids, and he's nearly 50.
When Hattie asked me for something to drink, I offered her tea or soda. She took the soda, then said she preferred beer and wine, and did I have any. I poured her a glass, then she asked for a second and proceeded to drink 2½ bottles of wine.
Later, she told me she had a “headache” and asked if I had anything for pain. I offered Tylenol. No, she wanted something with a “kick.” Needless to say, they didn't stay long after that because she was looking for prescription medication, and we had none.
My husband told Nick that Hattie was not the type of woman he needed. Nick shrugged off my husband's advice of not seeing her anymore. Personally, I don't want that woman at my house again. If Nick calls and wants to bring Hattie around again, how should we say no?
– Best Friend's Wife
Dear BFW,
Why were you surprised by the Guess Who's Coming to Dinner answer?....who were you expecting Audrey Heburn?
Your husbands best friend is down on his luck and you expect him to pull in a graceful swan?
Hey, I get it,...you don't want Hattie breaking into your stash, but who says you have to have dinner in your home. Meet on neutral ground and go dutch. Let Hattie order whatever concoction she can afford to throw down her gullet. I think they call that Dinner and a Show :)
However, if your hubby and friend are going to remain connected, why don't you work on the real issue...your friends' current "marketability and self-esteem" issues.
Paint a little lipstick on this pig and send him out to bring home a babe that can adorn your well appointed and socially appropriate home with out clashing.
Cr-Abby
DEAR(CR) ABBY: My husband's best friend of 40 years, “Nick,” started dating a woman about a month ago. Nick has been down on his luck personally and financially for several years. He called and asked if he could bring “Hattie” to our home for dinner. We agreed, hoping it would be a good relationship for him.
Within 15 minutes of meeting her, Hattie told me she was bipolar and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. She has two small children, but when I asked where they were, she changed the subject. Nick doesn't have kids, and he's nearly 50.
When Hattie asked me for something to drink, I offered her tea or soda. She took the soda, then said she preferred beer and wine, and did I have any. I poured her a glass, then she asked for a second and proceeded to drink 2½ bottles of wine.
Later, she told me she had a “headache” and asked if I had anything for pain. I offered Tylenol. No, she wanted something with a “kick.” Needless to say, they didn't stay long after that because she was looking for prescription medication, and we had none.
My husband told Nick that Hattie was not the type of woman he needed. Nick shrugged off my husband's advice of not seeing her anymore. Personally, I don't want that woman at my house again. If Nick calls and wants to bring Hattie around again, how should we say no?
– Best Friend's Wife
Dear BFW,
Why were you surprised by the Guess Who's Coming to Dinner answer?....who were you expecting Audrey Heburn?
Your husbands best friend is down on his luck and you expect him to pull in a graceful swan?
Hey, I get it,...you don't want Hattie breaking into your stash, but who says you have to have dinner in your home. Meet on neutral ground and go dutch. Let Hattie order whatever concoction she can afford to throw down her gullet. I think they call that Dinner and a Show :)
However, if your hubby and friend are going to remain connected, why don't you work on the real issue...your friends' current "marketability and self-esteem" issues.
Paint a little lipstick on this pig and send him out to bring home a babe that can adorn your well appointed and socially appropriate home with out clashing.
Cr-Abby
Dear Cr-Abby from In a Pickle in Ohio
August 29, 2008
DEAR CR-ABBY: I'm hosting what's called a Naked Ladies Party. It's where all the women come over with all the clothing, accessories, jewelry, etc., they no longer want. We strip down to our skivvies, try on each others stuff, then vote on who should get to keep it. (Basically, we just swap items to get new ones.)
I have a very good friend I'd like to invite, but she is significantly larger than the rest of us and wouldn't fit into any of our clothes. She acts like she's not sensitive about it, but I don't want to embarrass her by inviting her.
She and I work together, and some of the women from work are invited, so she will find out about it. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to hurt her feelings or put her in an embarrassing situation. What should I do?
– In A Pickle In Lakewood, Ohio
Dear Cute-Cumber in Vinegar,
Cr-Abby wants to start by saying you should invite me to the gig to make sure everyone is tended to and those in need of a wrinkly pickle can have mine.
Okay, back to you and your "pickle"...
Just curious, is this "Naked Ladies Party" code for Muff patrol where all you gals get liquored up, complain about the men or lack of men in your lives and then explore?
If so, double down on the Cr-Abby invite.
I'm not buying the swap the clothes theme thing, You women like to shop too much.Not to mention this is really a dangerous trend to start as it threatens two of the most important drivers of our economy...
1) The dollars spent as men chase after women
2) Women stimulating the economy with their clothes, make up and accessory purchases.
What are you a commie?
Okay, all joking aside, Cr-Abby has your answer...
This is so easy,...find three to five other fatties (people you kind of know) and invite them too!!!
Cr-Abby
DEAR CR-ABBY: I'm hosting what's called a Naked Ladies Party. It's where all the women come over with all the clothing, accessories, jewelry, etc., they no longer want. We strip down to our skivvies, try on each others stuff, then vote on who should get to keep it. (Basically, we just swap items to get new ones.)
I have a very good friend I'd like to invite, but she is significantly larger than the rest of us and wouldn't fit into any of our clothes. She acts like she's not sensitive about it, but I don't want to embarrass her by inviting her.
She and I work together, and some of the women from work are invited, so she will find out about it. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to hurt her feelings or put her in an embarrassing situation. What should I do?
– In A Pickle In Lakewood, Ohio
Dear Cute-Cumber in Vinegar,
Cr-Abby wants to start by saying you should invite me to the gig to make sure everyone is tended to and those in need of a wrinkly pickle can have mine.
Okay, back to you and your "pickle"...
Just curious, is this "Naked Ladies Party" code for Muff patrol where all you gals get liquored up, complain about the men or lack of men in your lives and then explore?
If so, double down on the Cr-Abby invite.
I'm not buying the swap the clothes theme thing, You women like to shop too much.Not to mention this is really a dangerous trend to start as it threatens two of the most important drivers of our economy...
1) The dollars spent as men chase after women
2) Women stimulating the economy with their clothes, make up and accessory purchases.
What are you a commie?
Okay, all joking aside, Cr-Abby has your answer...
This is so easy,...find three to five other fatties (people you kind of know) and invite them too!!!
Cr-Abby
Dear Cr-Abby from Ready to Give Up in Florida
August 30, 2008
DEAR CR-ABBY: I was raised by a horrible stepmom who made it her purpose in life to make my brother and me miserable. When I became a stepmom, I made it my goal to be the best one I could be, and for the next 15 years was a giving, loving stepmother to both of my husband's children.
The problem? They take me for granted! They are not only disrespectful to me, but also to their father, who is a cancer survivor. During the last two years of treatments, I haven't been able to depend on them for anything. At this point, I'm so disgusted I couldn't care less if I ever see either of them again.
My husband is torn. He gets upset when I talk about them or mention how they treat us. I'm at my wits' end, and I'm ready to leave. I have stood by him through sickness and hard times. Every time I see a light at the end of the tunnel, his adult kids show up. What should I do?
– Ready To Give Up In Florida
Dear Gator Tears,
Boo Hoo,..."Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,...guess I'll go eat worms"!
In this scenario I have empathy for your husband. Being torn between you bitching about "his" kids disrespect and their apparent inability of lack of inclination to "play nice with you" must be a real cross to bear.
My instinct is if you leave,...there will be a huge sigh of relief from the rest of the family who view you as the catalyst for the problem.
Think I'm being mean?
Re-read your last line..."every time I see light at the end of tunnel, his adult kids show up"!
Wow talk about your self indictments!
Your light at the end of the tunnel is clearly life without his kids...ever!
Do your husband a favor and leave...and dont let your selfish a## hit the door on the way out.
Cr-Abby
PS; I'll bet your stepmother has a different story to tell as well. How do you spell Karma?
DEAR CR-ABBY: I was raised by a horrible stepmom who made it her purpose in life to make my brother and me miserable. When I became a stepmom, I made it my goal to be the best one I could be, and for the next 15 years was a giving, loving stepmother to both of my husband's children.
The problem? They take me for granted! They are not only disrespectful to me, but also to their father, who is a cancer survivor. During the last two years of treatments, I haven't been able to depend on them for anything. At this point, I'm so disgusted I couldn't care less if I ever see either of them again.
My husband is torn. He gets upset when I talk about them or mention how they treat us. I'm at my wits' end, and I'm ready to leave. I have stood by him through sickness and hard times. Every time I see a light at the end of the tunnel, his adult kids show up. What should I do?
– Ready To Give Up In Florida
Dear Gator Tears,
Boo Hoo,..."Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,...guess I'll go eat worms"!
In this scenario I have empathy for your husband. Being torn between you bitching about "his" kids disrespect and their apparent inability of lack of inclination to "play nice with you" must be a real cross to bear.
My instinct is if you leave,...there will be a huge sigh of relief from the rest of the family who view you as the catalyst for the problem.
Think I'm being mean?
Re-read your last line..."every time I see light at the end of tunnel, his adult kids show up"!
Wow talk about your self indictments!
Your light at the end of the tunnel is clearly life without his kids...ever!
Do your husband a favor and leave...and dont let your selfish a## hit the door on the way out.
Cr-Abby
PS; I'll bet your stepmother has a different story to tell as well. How do you spell Karma?
Dear Cr-Abby from Thinking Ahead in Alabama
August 31, 2008
DEAR CR-ABBY: My son is the recipient of a four-year college scholarship with full tuition. He selected and applied to this school. The problem is, he now wants to transfer to another college. This means he would finish his sophomore year and give up two years of the scholarship.
The reason he has given us is “a lot of his friends go there.” I have been upset over this to the point of tears. We're a working-class family that struggles to cover the cost of his dorm and his meals. My son says I'm being difficult. How does a parent handle this?
– Thinking Ahead
In Gadsden, Ala.
Dear Bama T and A,
Hey isnt "thinking ahead in Alabama" an oxymoron?
Well, quite the Rhodes Scholar you have there. What's his major Micro-brew Economics?
Cr-Abby respects the freedom of an adult to make decisions provided they understand that the consequence(s) for those decisions are solely owned by (to quote our President) "the decider".
If Bubba has his heart set on "Guzzletown U." and has a "plan" to pay for it, then by all means cut the umbilical cord and say..."Well, you're a man now...the college tab and the bar tab are yours"!
Drown your sorrows in a little self indulgence as you will have no obligation to be an abettor in this bad decision and will have a little more coin in your pocket.
Empty Nesters have the benefit of financial freedom if they so desire. Who knows maybe sonny will surprise you and pull off the grades and the grog to greatness like GWB.
Cr-Abby
DEAR CR-ABBY: My son is the recipient of a four-year college scholarship with full tuition. He selected and applied to this school. The problem is, he now wants to transfer to another college. This means he would finish his sophomore year and give up two years of the scholarship.
The reason he has given us is “a lot of his friends go there.” I have been upset over this to the point of tears. We're a working-class family that struggles to cover the cost of his dorm and his meals. My son says I'm being difficult. How does a parent handle this?
– Thinking Ahead
In Gadsden, Ala.
Dear Bama T and A,
Hey isnt "thinking ahead in Alabama" an oxymoron?
Well, quite the Rhodes Scholar you have there. What's his major Micro-brew Economics?
Cr-Abby respects the freedom of an adult to make decisions provided they understand that the consequence(s) for those decisions are solely owned by (to quote our President) "the decider".
If Bubba has his heart set on "Guzzletown U." and has a "plan" to pay for it, then by all means cut the umbilical cord and say..."Well, you're a man now...the college tab and the bar tab are yours"!
Drown your sorrows in a little self indulgence as you will have no obligation to be an abettor in this bad decision and will have a little more coin in your pocket.
Empty Nesters have the benefit of financial freedom if they so desire. Who knows maybe sonny will surprise you and pull off the grades and the grog to greatness like GWB.
Cr-Abby
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