Dear Cr-Abby from Really Upset in St. Paul

August 27, 2008
DEAR (CR) ABBY: For the past 25 years, my husband, “Don,” has had his hair cut by a woman I'll call “Barber-Ella.” She's slim, attractive and full of energy. Don has mentioned that she often pats him on the leg and kind of flirts with him.
We have been married 35 years, and I've never had a reason to mistrust him. Our life hasn't been a bed of roses. We have a 30-year-old disabled daughter who lives with us. I have rheumatoid arthritis, which causes me pain and saps my energy. The medication has made me gain weight in my belly and face, and I feel unattractive.
Barber-Ella seems to have a lot of influence on Don. She persuades him to buy certain products, and once talked him out of a medical procedure “because it went wrong for a friend.” Recently he told me she has been telling him dirty jokes and using four-letter words in the telling. Don says, “She likes to see how red my ears get.” Although she is married, I'm not convinced that's all she's up to.
I feel this woman's behavior is inappropriate. Does this have more to do with my own insecurities than with her? Why does she do this? Should I ask him to change stylists? Should I call her and ask when she'll be adding lap dances to her services?
I don't want to put Don on the defensive or make it seem like I don't trust him. Please give me your opinion because I'm losing perspective.
– Really Upset In St. Paul, Minn.

Dear R.U. too much of a Saint,

Oh, to have hair again,...I remember how it felt to have a nice young thing run her fingers through my hair during the shampoo foreplay....but I digress back to you.

So, this is really more about you and your esteem issues and less about Vamperella. Your reports of her activity come from hubby which is a good sign,...you only need to worry when he stops telling you about his day.

Medical issues aside, weight is a function of food in, sweat and crap out and exercise. Within your limitations you have power to work on that...and that aint the Beautician's fault.

There is something sexy about having a strange women wash your hair and these days they actually massage your temples etc. Remeber, tips are part of the total compensation package for stylists.

Anyway, next time hubby's hair starts dancing on his shoulders,...throw him back in his favorite chair next to the sink, light some candles, pour him a beverage of choice and do the Deliah thing with massage and other extras at no charge. Try trimming head to toe!

You got nuttin' to worry about!

The problem isnt the mirror your husband looks in down the street, its that reflection you see in your bathroom at home.

Cr-Abby