
MAN'S GRIEF IS OVERLOOKED AFTER DEATH OF HIS STEPSONDEAR CR-ABBY: My wife and I have been married a year and a half. I was childless; she came into the marriage with three sons. The middle son went to live with his father, and I bonded with the oldest (age 17) and the youngest (age 9). Both boys called me Dad, and I called them my sons.Two months ago, the older boy, "Troy," was killed in a car wreck. Friends and family came to console "Cynthia," but not me. The only time they talked to me was to ask how she was doing. When it came time to plan the services, Cynthia and her family did everything. No one asked me a question or for my opinion.Troy was my son, too -- "step" or not. The pain of losing him is real and profound. I have tried to be there for Cynthia, but she has distanced herself from me. She has received cards, letters and phone calls, but I am having a difficult time dealing with the grief and loss, too. Why can't people realize that Troy was loved by both of us, not just by his mother?
-- IN PAIN IN OKLAHOMA
Dear Sooner Sorrow Seeking Sympathy,
Cr-Abby has no doubt that your grief is geniune, your love for the boy real and your loss tragic...just one things grabbing my gills the wrong way with your story...
...you seem to be more upset about the lack of attention paid to you and your grief v. what the natural mom received in public. If your letter had shared your story and asked how to comfort the Mrs. while dealing with your own grief,..then Cr-Abby would be give you 2 claws up and be fully in your corner.
This sounds like misplaced whining and I can't abide that. You both lost a son and you both have to grieve and deal with that loss, there is no doubt that losing a child is the most horrific thing any parent can endure but getting the short end of the attention at the wake is nothing to ponder, concern yourself with, nor ask pity for.
Cr-Abby
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