Friday, October 3, 2008

Dear Cr-Abby from Beside Myself in Norfolk

BROTHER-IN-LAW QUICK TO MOVE IN AFTER COUPLE'S SEPARATION

DEAR CR-ABBY: My wife, "Jill," and I are going through a divorce. I lied to her about money, spent money we didn't have and generally put her and my kids in danger of losing everything. I am doing everything I can to be accountable, but since we separated six weeks ago, Jill has slept with at least one person and is developing a "friendship" with my sister's husband. (I'll call him "Jack.")I understand that this isn't my business, but Jack is spending more time with my children (ages 1 and 3) than I can because I'm working two jobs.I told him he's not welcome at my wife's house as I pay the rent. I said the same thing to Jill, and they agreed that it's not a good idea for him to be there. It's still happening, though, and I'm very hurt by it and nearing the end of my capacity to deal with it. My sister's marriage is destroyed. My marriage is over. While my sister and I do our best to cope, Jack and Jill are having the time of their lives playing house while I pay for it. My relationship with my children is being undermined, and I don't know what to do.
-- BESIDE MYSELF IN NORFOLK

Dear Cloned Stalker in Virginia,

A good friend of Paddy's (lets call him Andrew Dice Clay) has a saying...

Jack and Jill went up the Hill each with One dollar and twenty-five cents, Jill went down and came down with Two-Fifty"!

Get used to the paying the rent/mortgage for another guy as there is a long road ahead of that for you. There is no cure for the marriage unless Jill wishes it and you whining about her other men is not going to get you there.

You can and should however make adjustments to the kiddie visitations so to insure those relationships stay in tact. In fact if you cut back on the income and elevate the kiddie time that is good for the final judgment the court awards wifey as alimony and child support.

A double win.It is tough and it sucks and I feel for you (Cr-Abby been there done that) the best advise I have is a) follow the plan above), b) stop worrying about what she's doing and c) find a friends with benefits for your sister and let her do the same for you. D) DO NOT cross the state line to WV or the family line with sis regardless of the southern traditions. Consummating your mutual Commiserating wound be BAD! Talk about confusing the kids!!!

Cr-Abby

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