Thursday, October 2, 2008

Dear Cr-Abby from Tina in Trinity, ALA


WOMAN DROWNS IN SORROW OF MAN'S DRINKING BINGES
DEAR CR-ABBY:
My ex and I have been dating since our divorce in 2000, trying to put things back together. But every six months or so, he comes to my house drunk and raises Cain in front of the kids. He never says he's sorry for anything he does or says, and it causes fights that could be avoided if he just would not drink. If he could only see how it makes him act! He does not drink all the time. But when he does, he passes out on my couch.I have told him time and time again not to come to the house if he has been drinking. If I try to make him leave, he does more in front of the kids, and he has been known to hit. How can I make it clear to him I have had enough? I love him, but I'm very tired of this every-six-months thing. I have called the law before. That just makes matters worse.Should I get away from him altogether? I want my family back together so badly. I have prayed about this for a long time. I have tried talking to him -- nothing works. Please give me some advice. -- "TINA" IN TRINITY, ALA.

Dear Father, Son and Proud Mary,

Pappy used to say, "Never try to teach a Pig to sing, it pisses off the pig and sounds like hell".

Essentially you are "hoping for an intervention from above" but aren't using all the God given gifts he gave you to help yourself. Your Ex-Semi-Ex whatever, clearly desires to be with the family but his demons are eating at him and that isn't good for anyone. You need to steel yourself and make a separation that is merited on his inability or unwillingness to act as a father and husband worthy of you and yours.

He has to make a choice, but when you let him blur the lines (come and go as he pleases) there is no penalty or incentive to change. He needs to check in to the no-juice motel for a long term care program.

Fess up, it 's okay, but part of the problem is you...and your longing for companionship and a family in tact and whole... I get it. However, your longing is causing you to make bad decisions based on "hope" not "hope and a plan". At one time I had hoped that Rachel Welch would marry me, but I forgot that tiny missing detail about her actually knowing who I was. Hope needs help!

Get a plan and be resolute.

Cr-Abby

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