
MAN FINDS NEITHER TIME NOR MONEY FOR LOVE CHILD
DEAR CR-ABBY:
DEAR CR-ABBY:
My beautiful 9-month-old daughter, "Lyric," is the result of an affair. Her father, "James," has never seen her, except in photographs. His family has no idea she exists. When I send pictures, he promises to visit "soon" -- but I'm not supposed to ask when because he "just doesn't know right now."
I feel it's my fault Lyric is growing up without a father. My parents dote on her, and they are furious that James promised to make sure we were taken care of but hasn't followed through "for financial reasons."
I have never taken him to court for child support (James does send a little) because I'm afraid if I do, he'll never come to see Lyric. I worry about her future because my dad was estranged from us when we were little, and his absence influenced some of the worst choices I have made in my life.
Why would James promise to visit but never make the effort? Why continue the charade? I'm afraid my daughter will blame me for not having a dad when she's older.
I have considered taking her to see James unexpectedly (he and his wife are currently separated) so I can tell her I did everything in my power to get him involved. My parents say I should be happy I don't have to share her, and not to take her because he has broken so many promises to me.
I have been upset about this ever since Lyric was born, and my depression seems to be getting worse. The guilt and regret are eating me alive. Please help.
I feel it's my fault Lyric is growing up without a father. My parents dote on her, and they are furious that James promised to make sure we were taken care of but hasn't followed through "for financial reasons."
I have never taken him to court for child support (James does send a little) because I'm afraid if I do, he'll never come to see Lyric. I worry about her future because my dad was estranged from us when we were little, and his absence influenced some of the worst choices I have made in my life.
Why would James promise to visit but never make the effort? Why continue the charade? I'm afraid my daughter will blame me for not having a dad when she's older.
I have considered taking her to see James unexpectedly (he and his wife are currently separated) so I can tell her I did everything in my power to get him involved. My parents say I should be happy I don't have to share her, and not to take her because he has broken so many promises to me.
I have been upset about this ever since Lyric was born, and my depression seems to be getting worse. The guilt and regret are eating me alive. Please help.
-- DESPONDENT IN VIRGINIA
Dear Rejected Near Richmond,
You live in "VIRGIN-IA? not gonna say it
Sounds like you were the cross-over girl to his next life and not part of the sequel. Yes, you are better off without him in your life (or your daughters). However, dont let him off the hook,
Yes you made a mistake but so did he...his lack of contact will be his loss not yours nor hers. He does have a responsibility to "pony Up" some dough even if he is not inclined to be involved.
Stop worrying about how he'll react, his choices to date after 9 months is abundantly clear. I think you are trying to manage this so that he'll come to his senses...that is a weak-willed play and not in anyone's interest.
Begin with the position that he will never come back,...then ask yourself what are the primary needs to properly raise your daughter as a single parent? The rest will flow with mouch more clarity.
Don't underestimate the value of your parents involvement that is a blessing, but it is time for you to assert yourself as mom and dad.
Yes you made a mistake but so did he...his lack of contact will be his loss not yours nor hers. He does have a responsibility to "pony Up" some dough even if he is not inclined to be involved.
Stop worrying about how he'll react, his choices to date after 9 months is abundantly clear. I think you are trying to manage this so that he'll come to his senses...that is a weak-willed play and not in anyone's interest.
Begin with the position that he will never come back,...then ask yourself what are the primary needs to properly raise your daughter as a single parent? The rest will flow with mouch more clarity.
Don't underestimate the value of your parents involvement that is a blessing, but it is time for you to assert yourself as mom and dad.
Cr-Abby
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