Dear Cr-Abby from Curoius in Ohio

Before we start today's rant, a disclaimer; This one really stuck in my craw and hence I included Abby's answer before I trump it with truth from the other side of the coin...

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine and his wife divorced several years ago. When their son turned 18, he changed his name to his mother's maiden name. I personally think it's a slap in the father's face. Have you heard of this before, and don't you think it's mean?
-- CURIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR CURIOUS: I have heard of it in the case of a child who, for whatever reason, has become alienated from his or her parent. Is it mean? It certainly isn't a compliment, because it indicates the child does not want to be identified with the father, nor to be reminded that the man ever existed. Before you judge the young man, you should remember that there is always a reason.

Dear Abby,
Your response was a pile of crap!

I have a friend, let's call him Bill. In 1986 he married a woman and they had three kids. His wife was a bit younger (30/22 gap) and they immediately had 3 kids. Bill was a bit of a work acholic but a good provider, father if maybe a tad short on the "wifey attention front".

Said wifey decided to divorce Bill when the kids we 6,4 and 2 leaving with the quote "my kids can't be happy if I can't be happy". She immediately was involved with another man (code for was probably involved before).

Over the next 14 years Bill was with his kid 3 weekends out of 4 and Wednesday nights, He did 95% of the driving (both ways) despite court orders that directed it to be 50/50 (Wifey and new hubby moved 45 minutes north hence the commute). He shelled out $1500 a month in support which was spent on toys and trips for the new happy couple (who divorced in 2004).

Additionally Bill had to shell out dough to cloth the kids properly as he would pick them up in less than acceptable attire. Was selfless in both time, attention and entertaining. (relegated to the Daddy-Claus role, he did his best). Wifey is the Queen of rationalization and keeps the kids heads a buzz with all manner of illusion including jabs at dad for faults real, imagined and trumped to heights beyond their scope.

Eight years after the divorce Bill remarries and is still married today, ex-wifey is now on #3. However, the kids (now 20-18-17) visits are less frequent owing to the natural things that occur as kids start there own set of life functions; jobs, college, friends etc. That said, Bill is getting static as his kids and current wife haven’t hit it off. Examples of ex- wifey working BS in the background to stir the pot are too numerous to list here in this rant but the end result is…

NO GOOD DEED (OR YEARS OF GOOD DEEDS) GOES UNPUNISHED.

Hubby no. 3 and the kids get along very well (I’m glad for that) but Bill is beginning to feel like a disposable dad now that the heavy lifting is over.
Any son or daughter who changes their last names to wifey without cause (meaning abuse, neglect etc.) should be ashamed of themselves, any ex-wife who abides/allows/initiates such an act should be drawn and quartered in public.

Cr-Abby