Dar Cr-Abby from Ghost Writer

Dear Friends,
As you may know, I faithfully provide advice everyday as a public service. I take the dribble spouting out from Dear Abby's column and send a response that is a tad edgier. . I am sad to report that today's letter was so bad I couldn't even find a edge worthy of my attention and time. Hence, I have opted to ghost write the letter and response below;

Dear Cr-Abby,

My husband (lets' call him Klutz) is sweet, kind and good man...we met in high school and married shortly after graduation. Klutz is a good provider, a good father and attentive to me with one major exception.

In bed he is mechanical and tries hard but when he errr uhmmm goes south to "satisfy me" he doesn't have a clue and it is not enjoyable at all. I am embarrassed to admit that I have made the problem worse by "faking it".

Now he thinks he is Don Juan and all I get is slobbery but not sated.

What can I do without crushing his ego.

Unsatisfied in Utica

Dear Not Getting Good Nookie in New York,

I knew a guy who wanted to be famous chef but he had no talent nor knowledge about cooking. Fortunately, a little rat who was a good cook but obviously couldnt be seen in any kitchen formed a symbiotic relationship and got the job done (see photo below).

Take matters into your own hands and give his hair a tug in the right direction so that he can find your Rosemary in Thyme.

Cr-Abby