DEAR CR-ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Perplexed in South Dakota" (Oct. 15), who said "terrible things" to her friend in anger. The friend forgave her, but did not wish to continue the friendship.
I have been in that position, but my situation went beyond hurtful words. At the time, I was in a great deal of emotional pain and was devastated because I trusted the people involved. I struggled with forgiving them, and I am happy to say that I recently did.
Through the process, I learned two important lessons: First, forgiveness has everything to do with me and very little to do with the offender. By letting go of the hurt, I freed myself from the emotional bondage I was in.
The second lesson I learned was that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. When you lose trust in someone, it takes time to regain it. Sometimes the damage can never fully be repaired.
-- BEEN THERE IN SPRINGFIELD, MASS.
I have been in that position, but my situation went beyond hurtful words. At the time, I was in a great deal of emotional pain and was devastated because I trusted the people involved. I struggled with forgiving them, and I am happy to say that I recently did.
Through the process, I learned two important lessons: First, forgiveness has everything to do with me and very little to do with the offender. By letting go of the hurt, I freed myself from the emotional bondage I was in.
The second lesson I learned was that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. When you lose trust in someone, it takes time to regain it. Sometimes the damage can never fully be repaired.
-- BEEN THERE IN SPRINGFIELD, MASS.
Dear Done That Outside of Boston,
Yes, many Bostonians have forgiven Bill Buckner but have not reconciled with him.
I'm curious if "forgiveness" does not provide for "reconciliation" then what is the difference?
As you point out the forgiveness is an internal choice to stop harboring ill will but the ex-friend will find the distinction somewhat vague.
I disagree with your assessment that "forgiving" plays any role toward healing without reconciliation. I guess it depends on what your definition of "is" is.
I disagree with your assessment that "forgiving" plays any role toward healing without reconciliation. I guess it depends on what your definition of "is" is.
BTW; IN April of 2008,...the Boston Red Sox's began the real healing process of reconciliation by honoring Bill Buckner and letting him throw out the first pitch. If dye hard Red Soxs fans can get past a ball throw the legs why can't you remember all the good times you and your friend have and truly forgive the hurt of a singular incident.
Harboring grudges is the epipany of self indulgence.
Everyone drops an important ball from time to time,...does it have to follow that he/she can no longer play on your field?Cr-Abby
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