Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Dear Cr-Abby from Vacillating in Arizona

DEAR PADDY MC-CRABBY:

My parents recently took my kids for a "day with Grandma and Grandpa." My children are 5 and 3. When they returned home, they were driven by one of my siblings with Grandma in tow. My sibling stated that he was the "designated driver."
My husband and I are extremely upset that my parents chose to drink when they had our children in their care, and so extensively that they needed someone else to get the children home safely. We'd like to discuss this with them and ask them not to consume alcohol when our children are with them. However, we are hesitant because of the conflict this may cause, and are concerned that they will feel that we're attacking them.
How should we approach this -- or is it best not to express our concern?

-- VACILLATING IN ARIZONA


Dear Twitching in Tombstone,

I'll get to your situation in a minute but, I just got this other letter from an older couple in Tucson and thought I should share it with you...

Dear Cr-Abby,
We're retired and have worked hard to get to this point where we can enjoy our golden years. We love and enjoy our kids and our grandchildren but there is a problem. Apparently the kids confuse the term "retired" with being "available 24/7". One of my daughter-in-laws seems to think nothing about dropping off her kids anytime they have someplace to go. Unfortunately, unlike the other grand-kids these two are real terrors. They yell, fight, break things and it has driven us to drink...a lot!


I was thinkng about talking to my daughter-in-law but I don't want to cause any trouble.

Any advice?

Tipping Tequilla in Tucson


Hey Vacillating, is this lady any relation to you?

Okay, back to your problem...

You need to determine if this is an isolated event or a pattern of behavior. If it's just Granny getting with her bridge buddies once in a awhile and this time she over did the "high balls", then forget about it.


At least they had the sense to get a DD to handle the hand off.

If however you and your other siblings have witnessed or are aware of an unhealthy level of drinking you need to engage this for your parents well-being. Seek out appropriate support avenues and get with the family to share your concerns via an intervention. Also, obviously, your little ones need to be with you during visits with the Guzzling Geezers until the stammering, stumbling seniors get it back together.

However, your letter didn't include enough info or background for me to determine which scenario this is.


Since you didn't suggests this has happen a lot nor intimated about a larger drinking problem...my guess is this was a singular lapse in judgment that was appropriately mitigated by having a Designated Driver handle the transport.

Hence, they should be commended and you need to lighten up.

Cr-Abby





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