Dear Cr-Abby from Only His Wife in Wilmington

DEAR CR-ABBY: I love dogs, but they're ruining my marriage. "Ivan" and I have been together 12 years, married for five. Six years ago, he had to put his aged, sickly pointer, "Sergeant," to sleep.
Two years ago, I began suggesting that we get another dog. I felt Ivan had mourned Sergeant long enough, and it was time for another. We found a lovely King Charles spaniel that we named Lili. We spent a lot of fun time with her that spring and summer, then thought a playmate might be good company for her during the day while we were at work. We found Branford, another spaniel.
At night we'd put both dogs in the kitchen, tell them goodnight, put up a gate and go to bed. But Branford would cry. I told Ivan he'd stop eventually, but Ivan couldn't just leave him, so he began bringing the two dogs into our bedroom and allowing them to sleep at the foot of our bed. I have pleaded with Ivan to return them downstairs, but he won't consider it.
Guess where they're sleeping today? IN the bed. Guess where I'm sleeping? On the couch downstairs.
We haven't been out on a date since the dogs arrived. We don't go out with friends because we must be back by 10 p.m. -- the dogs' bedtime, and Ivan's, too, of course. He is oblivious to me from the time he goes to bed with the dogs. We haven't had sex in a year.
Everything is about the dogs. He even prepares their meals from scratch each day -- boiled chicken with rice, peas and carrots. He says: "I told you I get attached to dogs. You said you wanted them; this is what you have to deal with." I am at my breaking point. Help! -- ONLY HIS WIFE IN WILMINGTON

Dear Delaware in the Dog Pound,

It's a "dog-eat-dog" world out there and clearly these two muts are giving your hubby something he finds lacking in you. You can either accept to compete with Rover and Spot for attention or affection or become a cat person (independent) and shop elsewhere to get your belly rubbed.

I suggest "B"

Option "A" could work if you really want it to but Cr-Abby has an idea...for plan "C".

Give Hubby a taste of the dog that bit you...Go shopping for a rottweiler or similar intimidating beast. Make sure the dog is a female (you know those nasty types) and very protective of you.. Feed it all manner of food to make the breath over-the-top in it's stench and then have it lay between you and hubby (faced his way). Maybe he'll get the hint and I'll bet the two other wimps will cower when Queen Spike takes the lead.

On second thought, pack a bag and find a new couch!

Cr-Abby