Dear Cr-Abby from Conflicted in California

DEAR CR-ABBY: I am a woman living with a man, but "in love" with another man whom I formerly dated but broke up with because he's an alcoholic.
"Spike" is a true biker -- exciting, funny and fun. Our lifestyles didn't mesh, so I made the decision we shouldn't be together. I miss him very much, and it keeps me from being totally committed in my head to the man I live with believe I have commitment problems. I am a psychiatric nurse with 30 years' experience, so I've heard it all and know what I should do, but the issue remains. My boyfriend, "Cal," is a hard-working man with little education who earns very little and cannot help support me. We met when I weighed 300 pounds and had low self-esteem. Still, Cal loved me as I was.
I am a post-gastric bypass patient. I now realize that our lives are very different, and I'm having a hard time accepting that we are meant to be married. I hate the thought of not doing the "right thing" by Cal. I have been faithful. When will I grow up and be able to make the right decision, Abby? -- CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA


Dear Harley Hogette,

Cr-Abby's problem here is where to start with this 1/3rd ton of crap you dumped here?

You claim to be a psychiatric nurse so I assume you are aware of the phrase "physician heal thyself"? Frankly, I dont think you should attempt self analysis on what is clearly multiple issues.

First; a recap from Cal's side...
You pine for the bad boy drunk and have a severe weight problem. Meantime Cal is a good man caught in the eddy of your downward spiral.

Step One; Release the man from his voyage aboard SS Conflicted you need some buoyancy right now and he certainly needs to trade up.

Step Two; Get some professional help with the health issue and the mental health issue concurrently

Step Three; Forget about any serious relationship with anyone until step one and step two are completed (including the solutions).

Your problem is not about Biker Dude,..it's your auto-escape mechanism. You feel a desperate need to think about anything but the BUTT at hand, the one just below the biker belt bucket and the one operating above your shoulders.

It appears you have attempted to seek some help before (i.e. the stomach bypass surgery). Usually there is a mental check up prior to accepting such patients...did you do that?

Anyway, fix YOUR mind and the body first...then pine away for Harley Side-seat Heaven.


Cr-Abby