Dear Cr-Abby from Out in the Cold in D.C.

LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP HAS TURNED DISTANT AND COOL
DEAR CR-ABBY: I have been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, "Elli," for two years. We haven't seen each other for almost six months, and now she has decided she wants time apart.
Our relationship was suffering during my last year of graduate school because I wasn't able to give Elli the time she deserved. Now I have graduated and have a job that gives me more time to dedicate to her.
She decided when I relocated that she would not move to the city with me. She says she wants to keep me in her life, but she "needs space" to find herself. We schedule chats on the phone and try to avoid discussing the status of our relationship, but we usually end up arguing and crying.
I suggested visiting her now that I can afford to, so we can talk through our differences in person, but Elli says it would be too much for her to bear. She says she loves me and that she's doing this for the good of both of us. I miss her terribly. I think about her constantly, but I don't want to smother her and have her resent me. Is there more going on here than meets the eye?
-- OUT IN THE COLD IN D.C

Dear Frosty the Potomac No Show-man,

News Flash; You aren't in a relationship; the Dear John letter was just stuck in the mail bin and took some time to be deilvered..

You can't leave a girl alone for 6 months and think anything good is going to happen. The adage about "absence making the heart grow fonder" has it's limits. Cr-Abby rule of thumb,...if you havent "sniffed the milk" (wink wink) in 2 weeks,...you can bet it has gone sour.

You have been focused on your priorities and those choices have consequences. Now that it is convenient for you to re-connect she has moved on (never mind how gently she says it,..Cinder-"Elli" has left the ball and did not leave a slipper for you to "track her down". It's done!

BTW, you are participating in a little self-deluding wishful thinking if you believe work will be less time consuming than school!

So, what you should really focus on for the next few weeks is giving a great deal of thought as to what level of a personal relationship you are willing/able to give anyone and shop accordingly.

There are a few go-getter gals who are as absorbed with their work as you will probably become (barring any life-altering epiphany on your part). Maybe you can find one of of those types where an email a day keeps other suitors away. My experience has been that these relationships don't create much glue and are really more alliances of convenience. If that is how you want your bread buttered go for it.

I'm not criticizing your life choices,...focused people get things done, they make the world go round, but that comes with a cost and here's your first bill come due (or overdue) for being part of the "I'm a significant mover and skaker club"!
AKA bigger rodents running along the rat race wheel of commerce.

You opted to pursue your professional goals over personal ones!
(make no mistake you made that choice)

Those around you "get it"; they even understand it, but they don't just wait for you to have a little time to spend with your second and third and twelfth priorities.

They opt to place personal relationships a little higher on the life food-chain and hence seek others who do so too.

If the work keeps you happy....who am I to suggest otherwise...it's your life but quit whining about the obvious consequences that those decisions create.

Cr-Abby