COUPLE CONTINUES TO BE FAMILY AFTER A DOZEN YEARS OF DIVORCE
DEAR CR-ABBY: I have begun dating a woman I find very attractive. I'll call her "Rita." We have many things in common, and she's a lot of fun to be with.
The only thing that troubles me is that after 12 years of being divorced, Rita is still very much involved with her ex. Most of their children are grown. One is a senior in high school, and an older child still lives at home.
Her ex is allowed free access to her home, mostly to see the kids -- and comes and goes at will. They travel together to family functions and to visit children who live in other parts of the state.
Rita recently had her hair styled differently and told me she was annoyed that her ex didn't seem to notice. When he comes to her house to cook for the kids, he leaves the kitchen a mess, which she apparently cleans up.
Do you think Rita has gotten past the divorce? What would you say the odds are of having a successful relationship with her?
-- DAZED AND CONFUSED IN ST. LOUIS
DEAR CR-ABBY: I have begun dating a woman I find very attractive. I'll call her "Rita." We have many things in common, and she's a lot of fun to be with.
The only thing that troubles me is that after 12 years of being divorced, Rita is still very much involved with her ex. Most of their children are grown. One is a senior in high school, and an older child still lives at home.
Her ex is allowed free access to her home, mostly to see the kids -- and comes and goes at will. They travel together to family functions and to visit children who live in other parts of the state.
Rita recently had her hair styled differently and told me she was annoyed that her ex didn't seem to notice. When he comes to her house to cook for the kids, he leaves the kitchen a mess, which she apparently cleans up.
Do you think Rita has gotten past the divorce? What would you say the odds are of having a successful relationship with her?
-- DAZED AND CONFUSED IN ST. LOUIS
Dear Confused in Cardinal Country,
When it's your castle the dynamic will change with out any intervention on your part (should you be so inclined to move forward). The Ex should get a little heads-up from his Ex about the change when you make it...it usually happens automatically. Right now it's Rita's castle with her ex probably tossing a few sheckles in the monthly pot (i.e. support payments).Therefore, you aren't the resident lion, just a drive by feline.
Don't stew about his relationship nor EVER try to minimize the interaction with his kids. You of course should have ever expectation that Rita has "the talk" with her ex when you cross over from the "bow" to the "resident Lion". YOu won't need to roar, and certainly no self-respecting lion whimpers, let the lioness handle the transition.
If she balks, you have your answer and find a new den.
Cr-Abby
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