Dear Cr-Abby from Reluctant Bride in North Carolina

DEAR CR-ABBY:

I am 21 and have been with a great guy, "Albert," who's 20, for more than a year. We're engaged to be married and live together in a condo we recently bought. We both work full time and support ourselves comfortably.
While I would love to marry Albert, I feel we are young and I see no need to rush into it. Things are wonderful between us, but I'm not really looking forward to a wedding.
Albert wants a formal wedding with family in attendance. He says his parents and other family members would be upset if we eloped and would have trouble forgiving him. I'm a rather reserved person, and the idea of being put in the spotlight, with all the hoopla and expense, is overwhelming. In fact, to elope would be perfect for me.
When I share my feelings with Albert, he becomes offended and accuses me of not being as "in love" with him as he is with me. I do love him, and I would be happy to be his wife. I'm just not interested in a ceremony and everything that goes with it. We need advice.

-- RELUCTANT BRIDE IN NORTH CAROLINA

Dear Runaway from Raleigh Bride,

While the bride (traditionally) gets to plan and dictate the size, location, scope, color, invites, brides maids, and other details of the event...you have opted for the no-plan gig.

I'm just spit balling here but I'm reasonably sure you have issues other than your reserved nature. You say "you would love to marry Albert" but you also share "you aren't in a rush" meanwhile he and the potential in-laws are pushing for a big gig soon.

Your 20,....at 20 I didn't know which hand to use to errr uhmm relax much less who to marry...but that's me. You have bought a home together and that's kudos for you,...but didnt you talk about a timeline when you "shacked up"? What was the plan?

Anyway, you can get hitched at City Hall and have a "party" elsewhere if that is how you want to play it...if of course the "event" is really the basis for your angst.

I think you need to take a long weekend ALONE and ELSEWHERE to reflect on how you feel, what you want, and then come home and articulate that to Albert. Perhaps, if you don;t love him enough to arrange a traditional wedding for the family, you might not have the goods to go the distance.

Cr-Abby