Dear Cr-Abby from Lonely Spouse in New Jersey

DEAR CR-ABBY:
Five years ago, I married a 40-year-old woman I'll call "Phyllis." We had dated for eight years. My problem is, after all this time Phyllis still has not moved into my home. She has never moved any of her personal belongings in either. And she runs home to her mother's house six days a week.
When I try to talk to Phyllis about this, she tells me she will bring her "stuff" over, but then she returns to her mother's and nothing changes. Please tell me what to do.
-- LONELY SPOUSE IN NEW JERSEY

Dear Eyes Wide Shut in Soprano-ville,

Eight years is 2,920 days of opportunities for you to have sniffed out what is obviously someone with separation issues. Your antenna must be the non-digital kind and on the fritz...fortunately, the government has delayed once again the transition to Digital and you won't be with out TV until June.

Dude, you walked into this with either the poorest set of eyes, ears and gray matter imaginable or you did what far too many do,...assumed the ring and ceremony would cure what ails Phillis.
Moreover, you have validated her behavior for 5 years and hence laying down the law now will seem capricious but jump over that objection...you aren't married except in the eyes of the state which means you have the worst of both worlds.

Run don't walk to the nearest exit unless you are willing to have mom move in with you, or I know a guy named Tony who might be able to help you out of this jam.

Cr-Abby