Dear Cr-Abby from Blackmailed in Ames, Iowa

DEAR CR-ABBY:
My sister, "Joni," caught me having sex with my boyfriend. (We used protection, so it's not like I'm going to get pregnant.) Our parents were away and Joni was supposed to be gone for several hours, so I thought we would be safe. But Joni had a fight with her boyfriend, came home sooner than we expected and caught us "in the act."
Now she's blackmailing me. I have to hand my allowance over to her -- and that's not all. She has turned me into her personal slave -- changing her bed, picking up her dirty clothes and doing her chores. She forces me to let her wear my nicest jeans and shirts, but because she's bigger than me, my clothes are getting stretched out of shape or torn at the seams.
When I complain, she says, "What are you going to do about it? Go ahead and tell Mom and see what I tell her!" I know if Joni tells our parents they won't let me see my boyfriend anymore. We're in love, and I couldn't handle that. But the blackmail is driving me crazy. Please help me. -- BLACKMAILED IN AMES, IOWA

Dear Guido's Beat'ch,

Couple of ways to play the game here;

1) Tell your parents you caught her having sex or some other bad story without telling your sister you outed her (it doesn't matter if it is true or not, just pick a story that is plausible and involves something your parents would believe about sis). Then when she says...I did not and then tries to tell on you, her story will sound retaliatory and you can put up a good "did not" (plausible deniability) defense.

2) Get the real goods on her and run the "stalemate" game. You both carry a nuclear bomb but agree not to wage a war of mutually assured destruction.

3) Does she have a pet she loves? Hold a knife to "Spots" throat and tell her,...if you rat me out Joni, "Spot is going to go live with the fishes"!

4) Come Clean with the parents yourself and then don't let Joni know you outed yourself. Then a day or two later (after pretending to be under the thumb of your sister still)...tell your parents that your sister is involved in this little extortion scheme,..then wait for the perfect moment and say...Hey Joni,,...I'm not doing this anymore...go tell mom and dad, I don't care! Then when she runs in and proclaims your sluttiness, she actually be demonstrating her lack of character.

Bottle of soda $1.50
New Dress $79.99
Revenge on a sibling.....PRICELESS

Cr-Abby