WEALTHY FRIENDS' GENEROSITY TROUBLES MIDDLE-CLASS COUPLE
DEAR CR-ABBY: Our best friends, "Bill and Melinda," are financially well-off. My husband and I make just enough to get by. We have been friends for a long time, are extremely close and always have a good time together.
Bill and Melinda are always inviting us to go with them on expensive trips. When we say we can't afford it, they insist on paying. Cr-Abby, we don't WANT them to pay for it! We don't want to be indebted and are afraid they'll end up holding it over our heads.
Even when they pay for airfare and lodging, it still costs us a lot in meals and "fun" money. We try to pay for everything we can so we don't feel like freeloaders. Bill and Melinda don't seem to understand the financial strain these "vacations" put on us. They even offered to buy us a membership to their country club. When we explain that we're uncomfortable with them paying for everything, they tell us they don't want to go on these trips without us and that the money is no big deal.
How can we make them understand that we appreciate their generosity but are uncomfortable accepting their charity? We love them and our friendship but fear the money issue may drive a wedge between us. -- MRS. MIDDLE CLASS
DEAR CR-ABBY: Our best friends, "Bill and Melinda," are financially well-off. My husband and I make just enough to get by. We have been friends for a long time, are extremely close and always have a good time together.
Bill and Melinda are always inviting us to go with them on expensive trips. When we say we can't afford it, they insist on paying. Cr-Abby, we don't WANT them to pay for it! We don't want to be indebted and are afraid they'll end up holding it over our heads.
Even when they pay for airfare and lodging, it still costs us a lot in meals and "fun" money. We try to pay for everything we can so we don't feel like freeloaders. Bill and Melinda don't seem to understand the financial strain these "vacations" put on us. They even offered to buy us a membership to their country club. When we explain that we're uncomfortable with them paying for everything, they tell us they don't want to go on these trips without us and that the money is no big deal.
How can we make them understand that we appreciate their generosity but are uncomfortable accepting their charity? We love them and our friendship but fear the money issue may drive a wedge between us. -- MRS. MIDDLE CLASS
Dear Along for the Ride,
Think of it as a "Bail Out", it's all the rage these days. Everyone, from the well-heeled CEO's to the lowly soon-to-be-evicted mortgage holders are doing it.
All joking aside here's the truth...
Rich People who don't have the same worries as you or I crave to enrich their lives with "experiences". Their wealth is seen as a tool to help acquire these "bucket loads" of stimuli but have good friends along for the ride doubles their fun,...you are porviding a service (as apparently you add a spice to their life they cannot find within their peer group).
I would suggests that you have a quiet, calm but serious caht with them to "clear the air" and set the boundaries. You like their company you just don;t like the "self-imposed guilt" that comes along. So, either sign up for "x" number of get aways a year that you can afford, or ask them to understand that in the future, you can only afford to commit "x" to "get aways" and if they are cool with picking up the slack...fine.
I suspect they will say,..."we enjoy your comopany, you enrich our lives and our money is ther to help us enjoy life and you are part of that.
You may be middle-class but apparently your friends see you and your husband as being in an elite class to itself
Then do as your comfort level will allow and no more.
Cr-Abby
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment