Dear Cr-Abby from Going Through the Motions in Illinois

DEAR CR-ABBY:

Two years ago, my husband of 25 years, "Glen," discovered that I'd had an affair 10 years earlier. After he found out, he couldn't sleep or eat, had recurring nightmares about the affair and was suicidal. He says it is still the first thing that pops into his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep. Neither of us thinks he will ever be able to get over it.
Glen doesn't want to be married to someone who would lie and cheat, and I don't want to be married to someone who can't love me. Actually, I don't think I love him, either. We have discussed divorce many times but it always comes down to our kids.
They are all on their own, but they would be devastated if we divorced -- especially if they knew what caused it. We don't want them to go through the pain that Glen has gone through. We love them and cherish the times we still have together as a family. If we were to divorce, it would never be the same.
Are we crazy to stay together for the kids?
-- GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS IN ILLINOIS

Dear Deceptive Dancer/Desperate Housewife Near Des Plaines,

Glen can't trust you, you can't love someone who can't trust you...Ergo "fold the tent time" is being pondered. I found it enlightening that you spent a scant three words on your ownership in this debacle...which I surmise is the genesis for Glen's lack of healing.

If you are simply asking if staying together for the kids is the right thing to do,...I think you are asking for permission to indulge yourself.
If you care about the kids, you and Glen will invest in counseling where you both will have to demonstrate your caring for the kids by giving the effort an honest chance.

Marriage is not bliss, although there is occasional bliss. Many of the fondness memories come from family outings and events even though the fire below may not burn as it once did.

Do yourself, Glen and the kids a favor...get some help before you take your E-ticket to the Selfish A## Exit. After you have made that honest attempt, you may ponder the other possibilities. For now, lock those away and bring your contrite heart and open mind to an expert...IF YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS.

Now Buggar Off,

Cr-Abby