Dear Cr-Abby from Lost Our Mom Too

DEAR CR- ABBY,

Last year, my elderly father fell, suffering a head injury that caused his death. Dad had a chronic illness that kept him housebound during the last year of his life.
Prior to his death, my mother began corresponding with, and inviting, an old high school boyfriend to visit. (He lived six hours away.) This man, "Milton," moved in with Mother while my father was still alive.
Mom has been with Milton ever since, first at her home and now at his winter home down south. My siblings and I are aghast at her behavior. She phones and sends cheery e-mails as if she were on an extended holiday and having the time of her life. Meanwhile, we are still mourning our father's loss.
We have tried to share our feelings with her, but she refuses to acknowledge them. She says she "understands," but we don't think she does. Otherwise, why would she move away from her children at this sad time?
-- LOST OUR MOTHER, TOO

Dear Lost Child in Aisle Number Selfish,

Your mom by all accounts had a good life with your dad until the end where she reached out to an old boy for comfort which has obviously morphed into more.
The question you might want to reflect on is why did your mom have to seek support outside of the family during your fathers' last days...maybe the kids were too busy to pitch in?

Your mother didn't fall off the planet she is living south of you...there are planes, trains and automobiles to make reconnecting nothing more than a small trip.
Relationships require an investment or they wane,...did you deposit enough time, heart and energy into the relationship sustainment bank to demand such a withdrawal during your mother's mourning period?

I think not!

Cr-Abby