Dear Cr-Abby from Going Through the Motions in Illinois

DEAR CR-ABBY:

Two years ago, my husband of 25 years, "Glen," discovered that I'd had an affair 10 years earlier. After he found out, he couldn't sleep or eat, had recurring nightmares about the affair and was suicidal. He says it is still the first thing that pops into his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep. Neither of us thinks he will ever be able to get over it.
Glen doesn't want to be married to someone who would lie and cheat, and I don't want to be married to someone who can't love me. Actually, I don't think I love him, either. We have discussed divorce many times but it always comes down to our kids.
They are all on their own, but they would be devastated if we divorced -- especially if they knew what caused it. We don't want them to go through the pain that Glen has gone through. We love them and cherish the times we still have together as a family. If we were to divorce, it would never be the same.
Are we crazy to stay together for the kids?
-- GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS IN ILLINOIS

Dear Deceptive Dancer/Desperate Housewife Near Des Plaines,

Glen can't trust you, you can't love someone who can't trust you...Ergo "fold the tent time" is being pondered. I found it enlightening that you spent a scant three words on your ownership in this debacle...which I surmise is the genesis for Glen's lack of healing.

If you are simply asking if staying together for the kids is the right thing to do,...I think you are asking for permission to indulge yourself.
If you care about the kids, you and Glen will invest in counseling where you both will have to demonstrate your caring for the kids by giving the effort an honest chance.

Marriage is not bliss, although there is occasional bliss. Many of the fondness memories come from family outings and events even though the fire below may not burn as it once did.

Do yourself, Glen and the kids a favor...get some help before you take your E-ticket to the Selfish A## Exit. After you have made that honest attempt, you may ponder the other possibilities. For now, lock those away and bring your contrite heart and open mind to an expert...IF YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS.

Now Buggar Off,

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Hurt in Vermont

DEAR CR-ABBY:
After many years of being single, I met a woman I'll call "Trish" on a blind date. We're both in our late 40s, and we hit it off. We have many things in common.
One night I was at her place when she received a phone call. Trish made it short and sweet and hung up. A few minutes later, I asked who it was, and she told me it was her boss. Cr- Abby, I know how she answers the phone when it's her boss -- and it wasn't him. When I said, "That was NOT your boss," she admitted it was one of her boss's clients, but said nothing was going on between them.
When I first met Trish, she mentioned that a client had come in one day, had wine and cheese, then leaned over and kissed her. It's the same guy that called -- and he's married.
I am very hurt. We have both been cheated on. I don't think she has cheated, but she lied to my face. My first instinct is to dump her, but I love her. What should I do?

-- HURT IN VERMONT

Dear Stuck in Sin's Syrup,

Archeologist's often find mosquitoes and flies stuck in hardened amber. Frozen in their state of death as the poor insects didn't have the brains to get off the tree trunk before the goo trapped them....insects have tiny brains,...

...what's your excuse?

Your antenna told you something was wrong and you were right but if you aren't going to do anything with the information then why inquire at all. Ignorance can be bliss if you don't mind being duped and then dumped.

Get Out!!!

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Living in the Past in Phoenix

DEAR CR-ABBY: Two years ago, I caught my finance cheating on me. I was devastated. In my heart I don't think he would do it again, but still I find myself looking through his e-mails, checking phone records, etc. I find myself crying hysterically and replaying the moment I found out he was cheating over and over again in my head. It's driving me insane. I want to forgive him, but I don't think I can.
Can you please help me find a way to let go of the past and return to the confident me?
-- LIVING IN THE PAST IN PHOENIX

Dear Hysterical Historian near Doc Holiday's Haunt,

A cheater doesn't cheat on you he/she cheats on themselves. He/She has tarnished their word (like earning a bad credit rating for your soul). You yearn for what was, but that is gone.

He broke the glass and now you have to decide if you want to have a repaired goblet with it's flaws or find a new piece of crystal.

He was/is your finance and he broke the vow even before the ceremony. How will he do 7 years into a marriage?

If you want to keep this particular piece of stemware for life then you better go to a professional repair shop and stop trying the DIY treatment.

It's your wine (time), pour it into whatever vessel you opt to,..as for Cr-Abby; I would have left the pieces on the ground and found some nicer flute at Tiffany's.

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Consumed by Guilty in NY

HUSBAND IS RACKED BY GUILT DESPITE AVOIDING TEMPTATION

DEAR CR-ABBY:

I have been happily married for a number of years. I'm not what you would call "hot" -- far from it, actually. But for some reason, women have always been attracted to me.It doesn't matter where I work, there always seems to be some woman coming on to me. I have never cheated on my wife -- never! I have always told the interested party that I'm married and love my wife and kids, and would never do anything to destroy what we have.About a year ago, my wife and I hit a rough spot. I met a woman who was having problems with her boyfriend. We were attracted to each other and became quite close. We never did anything physically. We never spoke of love, and both recognized that we were only infatuated. My problem is this is the first time I was really tempted. I resisted, thank God, but feel terribly guilty about it. My head says telling my wife would help relieve my guilt, but nothing else. Ultimately, it would hurt her.Because nothing actually "happened," should I listen to my head, or should I go with my heart, which says to tell her everything? This is eating me up inside.

-- CONSUMED BY GUILT IN N.Y.

Dear Eaten Up on the East Side,

Are you a moron?

Only Jimmy Carter got away with this one...remember his playboy interview confession "I have sinned in my heart"? Who the hell hasn't...Jesus was tempted by the devil using harlots. All men "think about it, apparently 60% do it and the other 40% errr uhmm "handle it" differently.

Think about lions...the Alpha male hits all the lionesses because he can. We can't because our lionesses would kill us,...then you'd really be all Eaten Up on the East side.

Don't go there, don't think about it, don't hint to the Mrs. you have any eyes drifting...ever. Even when she asks you...Hey, see that girl over there, she's pretty don't you think? The only acceptable answer ever is..."who, what girl where?" Got it? Learn it, Live It, Love it!!!

Remember Lorena Bobbitt and Johnless John. Women get weird about this stuff.

Do her, do yourself and do the rest of us a favor. Shut your trap and quit thinking all the women at work are "coming on to you". Here's the reality...

The world has such a scarcity of good men, women are attracted to you because they think somehow you are different than the a##hole they have at home. At work, all of us men are only "representatitives" of our true selves. At work we belch, scratch, fart and pick our noses less often and with more stealth. It's this false perception not a reality that they are infatuated with.

Of course, all's fair,...you don't really think the boobs on that gal you "almost step out with" are real do you? These work place mirages operate on an equal opportunity deceit playground.

Go home and fart you a## off and pretend nothing has changed.

Cr-Abby