Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Dear Cr-Abby from Smokey the Bore


SIMPLE PRECAUTIONS PREVENT DEADLY, COSTLY HOUSE FIRES
DEAR CR- ABBY: The number of fires in the United States has declined over the years, and while that's encouraging, there is still a real cause for concern today. In 2007, eight in 10 people who died in a fire were killed in a home fire.
Practically everyone runs the risk of experiencing a home fire. Most -- if not all -- home fires can be prevented. However, while it may be overwhelming to think about the risk, especially when spending time at home doing routine things like whipping up a meal or relaxing in a warm living room on a brisk fall evening, thinking about the risk and doing something to eliminate it can prevent a home fire from happening in the first place.
This year's Fire Prevention Week public awareness campaign (Oct. 5 to Oct. 11) focuses on preventing home fires and highlights personal actions the public can take to become familiar with fire safety hazards and learn to avoid them. Since 1922, this fire safety observance has brought attention to fire safety issues.
Everyone can eliminate fires with a little extra care. When it's time to prepare a meal or snack, remember that cooking is the leading cause of home fires. Keeping fire safety in mind when cooking, and paying attention to what is on the stovetop or in the oven, can pay off when it comes to reducing the risk of cooking fires.
Most often, these fires start when cooking is left unattended. It's also a good idea to monitor the cooking area to make sure that curtains and other things that can burn are a safe distance away from the stovetop.
Cooking causes the largest number of fires, but more people die in fires involving smoking materials or heating equipment. Taking recommended precautions where they are involved will also help to reduce the risk of people dying in home fires.
Each year, home fires kill approximately 2,500 to 3,000 people, injure another 12,000 to 13,000, and cause between $6 billion and $7 billion in property loss. Don't take the chance of becoming one of these statistics. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, PRESIDENT AND CEO, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION


Dear Jimmy the Geek,


Thank you so much for the self-promoting safety lessons with these new nifty ideas like don't leave a flame unattended. Great you are giving women another f-ing reason not to cook.

Moreover, you are interfering with an important species improvement regimen...the gleaning of the herd. Those who don't follow some of your common sense measures will be victims...as it should be. Haven't you heard of Darwin and Natural Selection. We're trying to minimize dimwits in the capitol and you are out there protecting future Senators from themselves.


Interesting to me is that you failed to mention during this important "Fire Safety Awareness Week" the single leading cause of fires in this economy...

The combustible nature of an insurance policy rubbing up against a jacked-up mortgage, I suspect the stats on this phenom will skyrocket.

Perhaps you need to add a more colorful and entertaining member to your staff to "get the word" out. I suggest you seek out this individual and have him address the nation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g_arzPICEA

Oh, one last tip you forgot to mention...when sitting at home bored, if you have to lite your own farts, keep a bottle of seltzer handy. I should add, prunes generate a more powerful/dangerous blast than beans.

Cr-Abby

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