Dear Cr-Abby from Divided Friend in Santa Cruz

DEAR CR-ABBY:

I'm 15 and I detest my best friend's boyfriend, "Chip." He is racist, homophobic and sexist. He is also blatant about his opinions, whether or not people want to hear them. All of "Sadie's" other friends agree he's a complete jerk, and not only that, he takes up all her time.
Sadie is smart. She realizes Chip has those traits. Somehow she doesn't care about his defects and looks past them. I'm not really scared for her safety. Chip seems to be nice to her.
I can't stand to be around the guy, but that means I don't get to talk to my best friend most of the time. I am trying to be nice to Chip, and I have talked to Sadie about this, but nothing works! Please help. I'm at the end of my rope.

-- DIVIDED FRIEND IN SANTA CRUZ, CALIF.

Dear Swinging for Sadie in Santa Cruz,

Generally, Boys develop slower than the Girls and the myopia a girl has for her "BO" is one of the great mysteries of life. I think it is a genetic thing that allows the two sexes to get together in the first place.

Men lose their hearing at about age 22 so they can stand to be in the same room. Girls lose most of their olfactory senses to put up with the smells we men emit. Were it not for these adjustments the species would die out relatively quickly.

Now just to be on the safe side here,..your interest in your girl friend is platonic...right? I mean you aren't swinging for Sadie from left field are you?

If so, none of her boyfriends will measure up.

My advice, find your own stinking racist boyfriend and let those two boys bound in the garage while you two connect in the kitchen. That way you both can wait for them to get their knuckles off the ground and share mutual OMG "he said what?" stories.

Alternatively, you could go for the long ball and find a nice gay, minority friend to hang with and double date...that would be fun...Dinner and a Show :)

Cr-Abby