DEAR (CR) ABBY:
“Ben” and I have been married for two years. His dog, “Lucky,” adores him. The problem is, Lucky bites me every time I get near Ben, especially when we are trying to get intimate. If we lock Lucky out of the room, he barks frantically the whole time. So much for romance.
Ben refuses to get rid of Lucky. He has told me that if the dog goes, he goes – and he means it. I want a normal life with my husband, but he has chosen his dog over his wife. Can you offer any solution?
– Once Bitten, Twice Shy In Ohio
Let's recap; you are accepting 2nd fiddle to a dog from a man who allows his love to be bitten and your love making is interrupted and intermittent. I think you knew the answer before you dropped this in the mail.
However, my new edition of National Geographic showed up and I'm feeling frisky, so here goes...
Dogs sense the hierarchy in a household. They will vie for as high a spot on the family food chain as their little paws can climb. Biting is a sign to project dominance and hence he's letting you know where you stand.
If you arent already gone (my 1st piece of advice) and you really are committed to making this marriage work you are going to have to let the dog know that you arent no. 2 and BITE HIM BACK.
There are less violent techniques for demonstrating dominance that animal lovers and experts can advise you to try, but I have never abided such wimps.
Haul off and box this Boxer's ears and give him a good chew at the top of the neck. Dont be one bit timid and assert yourself otherwise you might find dinner in the bowl waiting for YOU.
For all you animal lovers out there dont give me any of your guff,..I was going to suggest the ole rat poison in the Alpo trick, but you caught me on a good day.
All that said,...I'd be gone and let your squeeze spend more time getting Lucky with Lucky and less wasting yours.
Cr-Abby
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