MOM SHOULD SHARE IN DAUGHTER'S MARRIAGE TO LONGTIME PARTNER DEAR ABBY:
I am a 50-year-old woman, soon to marry my longtime partner, "Julie," in San Francisco. We have the blessing of her family. Although Julie and I have always gotten along well with my elderly mom, we have not yet told her that we are a couple because we are not sure she understands and accepts gay relationships. Our friends feel Mom deserves the benefit of the doubt and should be included in this important event in her daughter's life. If she can't adapt, so be it -- but at least she'd know. Besides, my friends say she'll find out anyway, sooner or later, and be hurt and angry to have been excluded. What should we do, Abby? -- BEWILDERED IN THE BAY AREA
Dear Bay Based Closet Case,
One of these things is not like the other, do you know why?>>>>>
I thought being bewildered in San Fran was a pre-requisite for admission! First a disclaimer, Cr-Abby has been such a strapping giant of a man, he doesn't have the experience necessary to advice the guys and gals who play for the other team. However Cr-Abby is a tolerant and worldly man, I mean some of my best Friends are...scratch that, no they aren't that's a lie.
That said, you wrote and I'll muster my experience in the other ball park and see what I can come up with.
So, you are the one afraid of Virginia Wolfe, frankly Elizabeth Taylor scares the crap out of me in character or out.
You have put off the issue for so long that now you have to serve up the double dose shock of betrayal and news worthy orientation. This double whammy is much more likely to engender the reaction that you fear. Your mother will need to deal with your deceit as well as your inclination as to how your bread is buttered...or will she?
I thought being bewildered in San Fran was a pre-requisite for admission! First a disclaimer, Cr-Abby has been such a strapping giant of a man, he doesn't have the experience necessary to advice the guys and gals who play for the other team. However Cr-Abby is a tolerant and worldly man, I mean some of my best Friends are...scratch that, no they aren't that's a lie.
That said, you wrote and I'll muster my experience in the other ball park and see what I can come up with.
So, you are the one afraid of Virginia Wolfe, frankly Elizabeth Taylor scares the crap out of me in character or out.
You have put off the issue for so long that now you have to serve up the double dose shock of betrayal and news worthy orientation. This double whammy is much more likely to engender the reaction that you fear. Your mother will need to deal with your deceit as well as your inclination as to how your bread is buttered...or will she?
She has been your mother for over 5 decades...Cr-Abby suspects that mom knows a tad more than you give the ole geezer credit for. However, she hasn't asked and you have told. So, I guess there is no avoiding this one. There is only one thing worse than asking her to your wedding,...NOT ASKING!!! Then she can justifiably claim three times the injury.
Cr-Abby Life Rule of Thumb...When it comes to Life's really Tough decisions it is best to cut with a clean knife. One stroke, One pain, One moment. Stop putting Anbesol on your toothache, go let Mommy pull out the tooth and get it over with.
I suspect Mom already knows you have a cavity that requires a different filling.
Cr-Abby
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