Dear Cr-Abby from Peacemaker in Colorado

DEAR CR-ABBY: My wife, “Kim,” and I have been married three years and have 14-month-old twin daughters. We have a beautiful life together with one exception – my father. He thinks he knows everything and isn't afraid to give his opinion. He also makes silly comments to the twins such as, “If your mommy doesn't treat you right, then you can come live with Grandpa.”
Kim is an excellent wife and mother. She takes my father's comments personally, even though I tell her he's just being goofy. She bristles every time my parents come over for a visit. When they do, she leaves the room. She rolls her eyes and has flat-out told me she can't stand my father.
What can we do? I love my father and am extremely close to both my parents. This has caused several fights between Kim and me. I say it's no big deal, but she really resents my father. What do you think?
– Peacemaker In Colorado


Dear Mile High Appeaser,

This is your home, your family, your wife and your father...YOU GET TO HANDLE THIS ONE. Do you want to be Neville Chamberlain or Winston Churchill? There is a better peace than is sometimes only found on the other side of a fight!

However, it appears you have never had the "talk" with Dad. There comes a time in life when sons cross over from being boys to men...Dad's have to take a shot across the jawbone (figuratively) when finally after years of nurture and nature the young lion roars at the old one and says "my time".

Your Dad will always have this "Cliff Claven (Cheers Postal Worker) thing but you can set the limits to his pontificating while in your home or in the company of your family.

Take him out for a beer and look him straight in the eye and say...Dad, I love you but you are a real pain in the ass and you are making me and my family uncomfortable (dont say "making my wife uncomportable") YOU own it too!!!
Continue and say "Dad, here's the deal when you are around my family here are some examples of things that are "off limits"...list the top three things you can think of that are the most over-the-top.

Dad can you change this behavior?

Wait for it (dont say a word),....the next person who talks "owns the problem", make sure he is the next to talk.

His first reaction will probably be to minimize, downplay or shift the issue to you or your wife. Don't let that happen...when he does;...calmly and resolutely say "Dad, I'll ask you again, this behavior makes me and my wife uncomfortable and we need you to change it...can you?

If he refuses, then put him on ice for a while (couple of months should do). When he calls to invite himself or invite you back over...remind him of your chat and politely say...your altering of your behavior is your ticket of admission to my home and access to the family. Can you do that?

Rinse Lather Repeat until desired impact is achieved.

Good Luck,

Cr-Abby.