Dear Cr-Abby from Baffled in NY

DEAR CR-ABBY: My daughter, "Giselle," is scheduled to have serious surgery soon, and she has forbidden us to come to the hospital. She wants only her husband to be there.
She has gone so far as to call us and make me promise that we will not come. She says we need to respect that she is a grown woman in her late 40s, and this is her decision and her way of dealing with the situation.
Giselle lives two hours from us, and she said she will let us know when we can visit for a few days. Her husband will contact us as soon as the doctor talks to him after surgery. But Giselle says that she simply "does not want to be surrounded by family."
I feel like we are being treated like family pets -- come when you're called; otherwise, stay out of the way. Up to this point we had a close relationship with her. We cannot understand her attitude. What do you think,Cr- Abby?
-- BAFFLED IN NEW YORK

Dear Bewildered in Buffalo,

The nature of the illness, the cause, the surgery or the nature of the risk maybe a very private, personal and scarry event for your daughter.
She clearly has decided not to add "maintenancing the family" to the list of things to worry about.

If you want to you could stealthy call your son-in-law and confirm with him that your non-involvement is what is best for all concerned right now. Unless he gives you a green light to hang out in the waiting room...stay away.
It is natural for a parent to want to support/protect a child regardless of age...try to think of it this way. If she has less to worry about she stands a better chance to recover.

So for now, your role is to pray but not pry.

Cr-Abby