Dear Cr-Abby from Confused in Pennsylvania

DEAR CR-ABBY:
My husband, "Warren," and I are happily married. We love each other. We are both hardworking career professionals and have raised our family. We have always been faithful to each other.
Warren is very open with his emotions and often tells me how much he loves me. He is also very passionate during our intimate moments. The problem is, he expects me to act the same way -- which I can't.
Although I love my husband and always will, I do not feel comfortable expressing myself the way he does during our lovemaking. I am content to just "get it over with" while he yearns for the kissing, hugging and talk.
Despite an active sex life with Warren, he has told me many times he wishes I were more expressive and open with my feelings. I respond by telling him, "I am who I am." He is not happy that I refuse to change.
Warren is a wonderful man. Other women probably would have no problem giving him what he wants, but we are not compatible this way. I have never spoken to anyone else about this, and I'm wondering what you think. -- CONFUSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

Dear Role Reversal near Redding,

So, your honey is Pepe Le Pew and you the Cat Woman prying out from under to escape. Curious, while you didn't tell me how many years you have been married you did refer to having raised a family. Hence, I assume you've been together a couple of decades....has it always been so?

If not, maybe your plumbing is making that mid-life adjustment. Any good plumber will tell you it is all about the tools.

Run down to your nearby Pussy-Cat Club with the adjoining marital aid emporium next door and pick yourself up a nice massaging crescent wrench. Turn the bedroom into Tool Time.

Maybe that will loosen your tongue a tad.

If that fails there are a few illegal pharmaceuticals that help honey turn on the tulip..."X" marks/hits the spot :)

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Waiting in Texas

DEAR CR-ABBY:
My husband "William" and I have been married 32 years. I love him dearly, but his health is poor. William is only 55, has had five heart attacks and has three stents in his heart. His last visit to the ER included being hit with paddles because his heart had stopped. In spite of this, my husband continues to smoke, eat whatever he wants and so on. I feel as if I am just waiting for him to die.
I think about this all the time. When I try to call my husband and he doesn't answer, I envision him at home dead on the floor. We have made all the arrangements necessary for when the time comes.
We recently moved into a new home. William works constantly around the house and then complains to me about how tired he gets. When I encourage him to take it easy and rest, he says, "I have to get everything done before I die." It's driving my crazy.
How do I end these obsessive thoughts of my husband dying? It scares me to think of life without him. We have been together since I was a teenager. Other times I feel as if his death will actually set me free. William is a good man, and I'm troubled by these constant nagging thoughts. Any advice would be a blessing.
-- WAITING IN TEXAS

Dear Not Thrilled with Bill in Beaumont,

Your Hubby is well past his Wonderbread Years...the dye is cast. He has had all of these life-threatening experiences which no doubt included the usual chastisement by medical professional....yet his behavior is "locked in" to the race to grave program.

You can't change him, you can only change you!

Grant me the strength to change those things I can
Grant me the serenity to accept those things I can't
Grant me the wisdom to know the difference

Enjoy the time you have, prepare for the time alone, find another life enjoying activity (hobby, social club etc) to bridge the transition (before and after).

Try not to go down with the ship by making those life insurance payments on time!

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Rev. M.N.R. in New York

DEAR CR-ABBY:

In this day and age, especially with jobs so scarce, a lot of young couples are finding that by becoming legally married they disqualify themselves from things like prenatal care, health care for their children and government assistance programs. In order to survive, many couples now opt to have the ceremony without the paperwork.
Another idea gaining in popularity is that unless everyone in this country has equal rights for marriage, no one should be getting married. Several couples I know have married without the paperwork because they regard the alternative the same as sitting at a segregated lunch counter, and they are unwilling to support segregation.
Many people feel there is a blatant disregard for separation of church and state and that "legal" marriages are not at all legal, but an example of government recognizing those with faith while disregarding those who have a different point of view on what family is.
-- REV. M.N.R. IN NEW YORK

Dear Right Reverend Wishy Washy,

You sir or maam as the case maybe are a leader of your church. While people can and will argue about right and wrong, you are the person to assert the view of the church (or the church's view of God's intent). Playing the crowd as the chief fence sitter may help you minimize attrition of the flock which is a financial goal, it does nothing to help those lost and confuse as it relates to a moral compass.
Unless of course you wish to open a new church, "The Divine Center of the I'm Okay, You're Okay and it's All Good".

I do strongly agree that the state should legally recognize unions (all unions) and insure equal rights accorded all citizens. That doesn't mean the church follows suit.

Church's can search their own tenets and establish ceremony's based on those tenets. There will be sufficient church differences to accomodate anyone in need of a certain "RITE".



Let the State handle the RIGHTS and the Church handle the RITES, but don't surrender a moral position simply based on popular marketability.
Grow some balls, even if you are a chick preacher!



Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Bethany in Minneapolis

DEAR CR-ABBY:
I must respond to the letter from "Deceived in Arizona" (Nov. 30). I agree the couple shouldn't have misled their guests and should have let them know it wouldn't be a state-sanctioned wedding. But these days, many couples choose not to legally wed, and for others it is not a choice.
Most gay and lesbian people do not have the opportunity to have a state-sanctioned marriage, and many progressive couples choose not to legally wed because of unequal marriage laws. Other couples view marriage as oppressive and prefer not to invite the state into their relationship.
Also, some churches will no longer perform state-sanctioned marriages until marriage is available to all couples. If members of those churches decide to be legally married, they must go to the courthouse.
My advice to that stepmother: Get over it! Celebrate the fact that your stepdaughter found her lifelong companion and is happy. And be thankful your new grandchild will have loving, committed parents. -- BETHANY IN MINNEAPOLIS

Dear Eliza Do Gooder,

Go jump in one of those thousand lakes of yours...we don't need retreads here at Dear Cr-Abby.

A gathering of people to enjoy a special day is called a "Party", a wedding in a church is the painful non-sense you have to endure until you can get to the party and hopefully the open bar.

BTW; You can write me back once your Vikings ever win a Superbowl...the losers have cost me $$$ over the years and as a 35 year fan, I'm tired of waiting.

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Homebody in Massachusetts

DEAR CR-ABBY:
Is it possible -- or normal -- for someone to lack the desire to travel? I am a 23-year-old female college graduate with a good job. I am involved in a serious relationship and still live with my parents because of financial constraints.
I like to think my life is pretty normal.
When my friends graduated from college, they all backpacked through Europe before starting their jobs. I was content to stay home, relax and readjust to life off-campus. Now that my friends are accruing vacation time, they are planning all sorts of trips -- cruises, vacations, road trips to visit old roommates, etc. None of this appeals to me.
I am a nervous traveler and tend to feel uncomfortable when I'm outside my "comfort zone." I'm not afraid to admit that I can be uptight, and I don't "roll with the punches" very well.
Last summer my boyfriend and I spent several weekends in a beach town about two hours away. I had a great time, although I was just as happy to go home at the end. I am not depressed or aloof. Give me an afternoon at the local mall or a movie rather than a weekend in Las Vegas. Am I weird? -- HOMEBODY IN MASSACHUSETTS

Dear Nesting Neophyte Near Nantucket,

Cr-Abby apologizes for his belated response,...I usually get this done in the morning but my Metamucil didn't kick in on time and I spent the morning on the pot and the keyboard cord wasnt long enough to reach the John. Much better now despite the roids.

Back to you and your "am I normal" question...
Not wanting to travel today with all the fun the TSA has thrown into the process is not only normal but completely understandable.
Many young adults who should have their a##'es out of their parents houses have opted to be a free loader like you so that's is probably the new normalcy too.

However, with all that said, Cr-Abby would suggest that you exit the nest in steps (no, a trip to the mall doesn't count). Here's the plan;

1) Find an apartment with a roommate that is affordable and get you bum butt outta Momma's house.

2) Commute to work without Daddy dropping you off (trike, bike train or bus...make no matter to me).

3) Let the boyfriend introduce you to the 13 states of the Union (oops I mean start with the 13).

Have you heard of a little thing called the "Global Economy"? Being the head typists in the Smith Corona temporary typists factory pool doesn't have much of a future.

Cr-Abby