Dear Cr-Abby from Bethany in Minneapolis

DEAR CR-ABBY:
I must respond to the letter from "Deceived in Arizona" (Nov. 30). I agree the couple shouldn't have misled their guests and should have let them know it wouldn't be a state-sanctioned wedding. But these days, many couples choose not to legally wed, and for others it is not a choice.
Most gay and lesbian people do not have the opportunity to have a state-sanctioned marriage, and many progressive couples choose not to legally wed because of unequal marriage laws. Other couples view marriage as oppressive and prefer not to invite the state into their relationship.
Also, some churches will no longer perform state-sanctioned marriages until marriage is available to all couples. If members of those churches decide to be legally married, they must go to the courthouse.
My advice to that stepmother: Get over it! Celebrate the fact that your stepdaughter found her lifelong companion and is happy. And be thankful your new grandchild will have loving, committed parents. -- BETHANY IN MINNEAPOLIS

Dear Eliza Do Gooder,

Go jump in one of those thousand lakes of yours...we don't need retreads here at Dear Cr-Abby.

A gathering of people to enjoy a special day is called a "Party", a wedding in a church is the painful non-sense you have to endure until you can get to the party and hopefully the open bar.

BTW; You can write me back once your Vikings ever win a Superbowl...the losers have cost me $$$ over the years and as a 35 year fan, I'm tired of waiting.

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Eric in Los Alamitos, CA

DEAR CR-ABBY:
I clearly remember my first Valentine's Day. I was in first grade. A few days before, my mom asked how many kids were in my class, and we went to a store and bought large packages of valentines -- one for every child in the class. The cards were all the same size and said, basically, the same thing.
When I arrived at school, each classmate had a small box on his or her desk. At some point during the day, I went around the room and gave each child a valentine. There was one for the quiet one in the back, the most popular girl in class, the prettiest and even the boys. This was long before society taught me that such a show of affection had to exclude people of the same gender as me. By the end of the day, everyone had a full box of valentines to take home.
One desk, one box ... the love of a child.
As I grew older, society taught me to narrow my offering of affection, picking only those I chose to be special or worthy. Eventually, I was taught to limit my valentines to only one person. More time went on, and then a card was not enough. To show that really special person what she meant to you, you needed to send flowers, candy and jewelry.
Apparently, as we grew older it took more and more to fill those boxes. Now we absolutely could not give to more than one person. People hire detectives to make sure that the person isn't filling anyone else's. And if you had no one to send you anything, you were saddened by your big, empty box filled only with sadness and despair.
Today, I am taking back from society what it has taken from me. I'm counting how many people play a role in my life, and I am buying "virtual" packages of cards. I have one for every single one of you -- man or woman, young or old, straight or gay, married or single. Each card is the same size, they all say the same thing -- that I appreciate who you are and what you have to contribute to each other.
I invite each and every one to do the same, so that no box is empty and the shy ones, the pretty ones, the popular ones and those who are less so go home tonight with a full box of valentines.
One virtual desk, one virtual box, and the love of a child at heart. I wish you all a happy Valentine's Day.
-- ERIC IN LOS ALAMITOS, CALIF.

Dear Eric Escaped from the Lab,

For guy you sure drone on a lot.

News Flash, growing up is a process. You gain things you lose things. You announce your choice to revert and invite others to fall down the same rabbit hole but you forgot to pass the Mushrooms.

Good luck in your search for Bruce from the 3rd grade and your goal of telling him you've finally "come out".

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Mom in St. Petersburg, FLA

DAD SAYS DAUGHTER'S INTEREST IN GIRLS MEANS NO SLEEPOVERS
DEAR CR-ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter, "Melissa," is bisexual. Most girls her age have sleepovers, but my husband says that any girl Melissa likes should be considered the same as a boyfriend, so it is not appropriate for her to spend the night.
I disagree. A girlfriend is not the same -- mainly because Melissa won't end up getting pregnant after spending the night with a girl. What do you think?

-- MOM IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

Dear Parental Unit in Dangling Chadville,

What would good ole St. Pete say...

Tell hubby that when his car spins out on a wet road he knows to "turn into the skid" to straighten (forgive the pun) out the vehicle. The same is true of teenagers. Think of it as opposite day. Here's an example of what not to do...

When my daughter was 17 she wanted to get a small tattoo of a little butterfly on her chest (below the viewable line I was assured). My ex-wife said yes, and I said no and the particular shop involved required both parents signatures (go figure). So, she couldn't get the tattoo. 4 days after she turned 18 she got a tattoo but she decided to flex her new found legal muscle and now sports a giant coy fish from her elbow to the top of her deltoid. Such reflects the strength of a fathers influence. Tattoos and orientation are about equally permanent.

You can also tell him that while many young people "know" what their orientation is very early,...many are still jello not yet put in the frig and there is wiggle room. When I was 14 I wasn't sure if I wanted to use my left or right hand when I errr uhmm relaxed (if you catch my drift). I was reasonably sure what movie I was playing in my head but it is not a "lock" which side of the bread you butter. That said, you might want to mentally prepare for a life with painters working the left side of the fence.

Now to the matter at hand,...girls sleep overs and boy sleepovers are different (the boys are far messier) beyond that not too much difference. It isnt the group thing you should fear (that is still a few years off) but I'd discourage the one-on-one until the jello is thick enough to hold a fork (18+)...just watch out for those tattoos.

If you fight her on the dumb stuff, you'll push the car off into the emergency lane for sure. If you play it smart and turn into the skid you might have a different result. BTW, what were you thinking, if you didnt want a muff diver, why did you name her Melissa,..it's almost a lock that Melissa's don't play ball.
Finally, a) to minimize the PC lashing I'm about to take and b) as a matter of perspective I offer this....

The world she is a-changing. You can remember your parents and grandparents being applaud at long hair, loud music,r dirty dancing, recreational drugs or sexual liberty...well guess what we just became our parents and next stop is the bi-sexual revolution. I'm not a player, but I suspect I'll be forced to sit in the audience and applaud.

Viva la difference!

Cr-Abby