Dear Cr-Abby from Confused in Pennsylvania

DEAR CR-ABBY:
My husband, "Warren," and I are happily married. We love each other. We are both hardworking career professionals and have raised our family. We have always been faithful to each other.
Warren is very open with his emotions and often tells me how much he loves me. He is also very passionate during our intimate moments. The problem is, he expects me to act the same way -- which I can't.
Although I love my husband and always will, I do not feel comfortable expressing myself the way he does during our lovemaking. I am content to just "get it over with" while he yearns for the kissing, hugging and talk.
Despite an active sex life with Warren, he has told me many times he wishes I were more expressive and open with my feelings. I respond by telling him, "I am who I am." He is not happy that I refuse to change.
Warren is a wonderful man. Other women probably would have no problem giving him what he wants, but we are not compatible this way. I have never spoken to anyone else about this, and I'm wondering what you think. -- CONFUSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

Dear Role Reversal near Redding,

So, your honey is Pepe Le Pew and you the Cat Woman prying out from under to escape. Curious, while you didn't tell me how many years you have been married you did refer to having raised a family. Hence, I assume you've been together a couple of decades....has it always been so?

If not, maybe your plumbing is making that mid-life adjustment. Any good plumber will tell you it is all about the tools.

Run down to your nearby Pussy-Cat Club with the adjoining marital aid emporium next door and pick yourself up a nice massaging crescent wrench. Turn the bedroom into Tool Time.

Maybe that will loosen your tongue a tad.

If that fails there are a few illegal pharmaceuticals that help honey turn on the tulip..."X" marks/hits the spot :)

Cr-Abby

Dar Cr-Abby from Ghost Writer

Dear Friends,
As you may know, I faithfully provide advice everyday as a public service. I take the dribble spouting out from Dear Abby's column and send a response that is a tad edgier. . I am sad to report that today's letter was so bad I couldn't even find a edge worthy of my attention and time. Hence, I have opted to ghost write the letter and response below;

Dear Cr-Abby,

My husband (lets' call him Klutz) is sweet, kind and good man...we met in high school and married shortly after graduation. Klutz is a good provider, a good father and attentive to me with one major exception.

In bed he is mechanical and tries hard but when he errr uhmmm goes south to "satisfy me" he doesn't have a clue and it is not enjoyable at all. I am embarrassed to admit that I have made the problem worse by "faking it".

Now he thinks he is Don Juan and all I get is slobbery but not sated.

What can I do without crushing his ego.

Unsatisfied in Utica

Dear Not Getting Good Nookie in New York,

I knew a guy who wanted to be famous chef but he had no talent nor knowledge about cooking. Fortunately, a little rat who was a good cook but obviously couldnt be seen in any kitchen formed a symbiotic relationship and got the job done (see photo below).

Take matters into your own hands and give his hair a tug in the right direction so that he can find your Rosemary in Thyme.

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Bewildered in Mississippi

THE QUESTION OF CHILDREN SLOWS GROWTH OF BUDDING RELATIONSHIP
DEAR CR-ABBY: I'm a 38-year-old woman who has been dating a 32-year-old man I'll call "Vinny" for three months. When I realized that I had developed strong feelings for him, I decided to ask him what his feelings were about our friendship and where he saw it going. Keep in mind, Vinny has no children, and I have two from a previous marriage.
Vinny told me he has developed feelings for me, too, but that he wants to have children of his own someday. I respect and understand his honesty. He also said he was scared, and that in the past, when he has felt he was getting too close to someone, he would pull away. That suggests to me that he is commitment-phobic.
My problem is, Vinny continues to call me several times a day and every night before he goes to bed -- although we have not been spending as much time together as we have in the past. Am I wasting my time? Should I start dating other people? I care a lot about Vinny and would like to be with him. -- BEWILDERED IN MISSISSIPPI

Dear Bewildered in Mississippi,
"Nuff Said"
Cr-Abby

*****************************PS*******************************************
Would this be your "Cousin Vinny"?

Men use the ole' commitment phobic jive the same we we say. "it's not you, it's me" when we break up.

Why does he call you at night? Does he yearn for you secretly but just doesn't know how to cross into the light....NOPE, he needs to get off before bed time. I'll bet the conversation starts with,.."Hi, honey,...what are you wearing?"

Move On,

Cr-Abby