Dear Cr-Abby from Missing Something in Minnesota

WOMAN LONGS TO REALIZE HER DREAM OF FAMILY SISTERHOODDEAR CR-ABBY: I am happily married, but all my life I have yearned for a close and sisterly relationship with my mother and my sisters. We are very different people, but a kind and understanding female relative is what I have always wished for.They send me unsolicited advice, including articles about physical and mental health, diet pills and clippings on finances, etc., but we don't seem to be able to sustain good conversation, with listening or encouragement. I sometimes think people get so wrapped up in trying to "fix" others that they don't see the true beauty that lies within.I have expressed my feelings to them about wishing we could be closer, but was told that sisterly affection is a "myth." Unfortunately, I don't fit in with my husband's family, either. Family issues seem to be the recurring theme of my life. It's depressing. I work full-time, do charity work and have good friends outside my family, but I still long for a closer relationship with my family. Is there a way to let go of old dreams and wishes? With the holidays here, I have difficulty getting through this time without a bad case of the blues.

-- MISSING SOMETHING IN MINNESOTA

Dear Cardiac Void Near St. Paul,

To recap you have old issues with your family, lack of a fit with the in-laws and your question is how can you get a closer relationship with your kin or absorb the void without sadness...am I on the right track?Your family sends you advice and you don't feel the love. Sounds to me as if a little inward circumspection is in order as you aren't accepting responsibility for your loneliness.

My guess is your family is equally frustrated as you refuse to engage/correct your own repelling idiosyncracies which is the genesis for the separation.

Physician Heal Thyself!!!

Cr-Abby

PS; the only thing you are missing in Minnesota is a Super Bowl Trophy

Dear Cr-Abby from Loner in Long Beach

WOMAN CELEBRATES HOLIDAYS QUIETLY AND HAPPILY ALONE
DEAR CR-ABBY: Now that the year-end holidays are here, I find myself once again in the sometimes difficult position of having to explain to acquaintances and co-workers why I don't celebrate them.
I am single. My parents died many years ago, and I have no family. My only surviving sibling and his wife are both alcoholics who drink to excess over the holidays and cause tension in their family. I have attended Al-Anon meetings, and because I refused to look the other way while they were drinking, I was cut off.
Co-workers take time off at Christmas, but I take mine at other times of the year. Over time, I have found that I would rather spend a so-called holiday catching up on correspondence, taking a walk, reading a good book or sewing. Outside of work or professional organizations, I do not do anything about the year-end holidays. I understand the religious and historical significance of these celebrations and keep them in my heart, but do not observe them in a visible manner. This is my choice.
When people ask me what I'm doing for the holidays, it is an awkward moment. How can I gracefully explain that I choose to keep the holidays in my heart only and enjoy the day as a small vacation for myself? -- LONG BEACH LONER

Dear Santa's Soloist in Sandals,

While Cr-Abby applauds your stiff upper lip, living life alone is not something to embrace but to be tolerated. You can't chose your family and can't change the decisions the grim reaper makes but you can nurture relationships/friendships and seek out people who could be your "chosen family". Those friends who earn your respect and friendship and you reciprocate".
Holidays can be depressing times for any of us with the pressures to perform, give, travel etc. Your plan is good that it avoids the "rat race" associated with the commercial side of the holidays, so as to what to say to passers by who inquire as to your plans...you can routinely say..."I plan to avoid the craziness"...and they will no doubt nod with understanding and a small degree of envy.

That said, you need to reach out to the world and not hermit-ize yourself...it isn't healthy and friends can help each other in ways family cannot. Don't void your self of this spice of life AND it comes with the caveat that you get to pick your friends and they you.

Cr-Abby