Dear Cr-Abby from Second Time Around

DEAR CR-ABBY:
I am a 30-year-old, divorced woman who is planning to remarry soon. My ex-husband and I are still friendly and get along well. Would it be inappropriate to ask him to walk me down the aisle?
My father is dead, and my mother feels the task should fall to a significant male. I would like to ask him, but I am not sure how he'll react or if my fiance will approve of the idea.
Any suggestions?
-- SECOND TIME AROUND

Dear Secondhand Rose,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snRO__-eWlg
I read somewhere that it is more likely to get struck by lightning than it is for a thirty-something female to get married and have it stick. My advice would be to not tempt these odds further by giving hubby #2 something troublesomne to ponder before the event.

Also, I would avoid carrying any long metal objects in your hand during rain storms until after you get the "I do" done!

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Reluctant Witness in Pennsylvania

DEAR CR-ABBY:

I'm a freshman at a Catholic university. I was awakened last night at 3 a.m. because my bunk bed -- I'm on top -- was shaking. Then I heard my roommate moaning. She had snuck a boy into our dorm room, and they were doing "it."
I am so upset at her disregard for my personal space that I don't know how to talk to her. I'm big on chastity, but I don't want her to think I'm speaking up because I'm a prude. I found it so upsetting that it was difficult to get back to sleep.
My roommate is nice, and we get along well. How do I tell her this behavior is unacceptable? If I tell our resident assistant, she will get in trouble and hate me for it. If I had been forewarned, I would have slept out in the lounge. Please help me.
-- RELUCTANT WITNESS IN PENNSYLVANIA

Dear Uninvited Voyeur Victim near Venango,

Well, college is the place where exploring the mind and body is in high gear. I remember my roomate and I had a system. We would wrap a rubber band around the outer door handle if one of us was errr uhmm "entertaining company".
Your situation is different as there was no code preset to allow you to avoid the 6.9 earthquake. So, I suppose you have to engage if a little more assertiveness.
Just tell her that you want to make sure there is as much freedom as possible in the tiny room but a 3 way without the invite is not on the list of acceptable to options. Then hand her a box of rubber bands and a box of rubbers too.

Tell her that the new rule is that she has to use both before you get home!

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Landlocked in Northern California

DEAR CR-ABBY:

My husband, "Mike," and I have been married for 18 years, but for the last few we have been growing apart. Mike has recently expressed a desire to quit work and sail around the world. He bought an expensive sailboat, took lessons, and is teaching our kids to sail. I tried it, but I'm afraid of the water. I have, however, been supportive of my husband's dream.
I knew Mike was looking for a "crew" for the boat because he couldn't sail with just the kids. Today he told me he has found someone. This crew consists of a married woman and her two kids. Mike invited her to crew after she first asked her husband. He did not ask ME first. He simply announced he had found a competent sailor.
I expressed vehemently that I am against this. I have never met the woman or her kids, and I'm hurt that I wasn't consulted. Mike says he is hurt because I "don't trust him." By the way, the sailboat is only 37 feet long, and they're planning their first two-week trip this fall.
What do you think?
-- LANDLOCKED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

Dear Castaway Near Calistoga,

Better work on your "Knot Tying" in both departments (sailing and marriage).

Your "fear of the water" has not only robbed you of a closer relationship with your husband, but of a once in a lifetime memorable experience with your children not to mention the romantic call of the sea...which your husband has in spades.

Go see a doctor of phobia-ology and get fitted for a safe pair of boating shoes.

Don't let this floosy with her fledging brood sail on your flotilla.

Ahoy, now here this..."All-a-Shore who's going to regret it!

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Upset in Florida

DEAR CR-ABBY:
I am 20. My father, who recently turned 50, is dating a girl, "Amber," who is only 19. I went to high school with Amber, and I know for a fact there isn't a lot she has to offer him unless it's trouble.
Our parents divorced 16 years ago, and Dad hasn't had another woman in his life who he really liked. He has dated casually, but this is turning into something serious. They have been seeing each other only a few weeks, and they are now talking about an engagement.
Cr-Abby, Amber has a 6-month-old son. The child's father will have nothing to do with her or the baby. I think she's after Dad for the money, and I do not approve of their relationship.
What should I do? -- UPSET IN FLORIDA

Dear Gator got your Goat,

Possum, your Dad is suffering from a debilating ailment known as DSB (Deadly Semen Back-Up). It is a condition where the little head starts making decisions for the big head.

I'm afraid the only known cure is B.A.W. (Bank Account Withdrawals). The CDC informs me that this disease has reached epidemic proportions owning to the "Graying of America" combined with too much "E-Hollywood" exposure.

It's a long shot, but here's an idea...become Amber's BFF (Best Fake Friend) and arrange multiple play dates (just the two of you) leaving the 6 month old rug rat behind with Daddy for hours at a time (or better yet a few days).

Dad may get a sneak peak at what no nookie, no money and a screaming brat feels like. It might shock him enough for a few blood cells to drift northward.

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Dating in D.C.

DEAR CR-ABBY:
My boyfriend, "Sean," and I met online six months ago. We are now at the stage where we are meeting and going out with each other's friends and co-workers, and the question, "How did you meet?" is coming up.
Sean prefers his friends and family not know we met on an online dating site, while I have been up-front with my circle of friends. I would rather get our history straight before these groups meet each other.
How do we balance his need for privacy with my openness? I would also like to use this as an example to de-stigmatize online dating for my single friends. -- DATING IN D.C.

Dear Courting in the Capitol,

Oh Possum, isn't love grand? I remember the first time a boy stared at my knickers, but I digress.

Perhaps a white lie can bridge the gap,...did you I.M. or email while at work?...many do you know pumpkin. So, he can say,.."we met at work" and you can say we met on line.

Fear not little one, in time the lad will grow up and shed his phobia about the how and begin to focus on the now. These wee men are "works in progress" and you have to nurture the knuckle dragger to a more upright existence.
Don;t get your knickers in a snit over the mundane limitations that is the "male condition".

Cr-Abby