Dear Cr-Abby from Adam's Mom

STUBBORN TOT PLAYS HARD TO GET WITH FRUSTRATED GRANDMOTHER

DEAR CR- ABBY: After 12 years on the West Coast, my husband and I moved back East last year with our 3-year-old son, "Adam." My parents, my husband's mom and our siblings live here, and we wanted Adam to know his family.
The problem is, our son has taken to everyone except my mother. He'll hug and kiss everyone but her. He kisses the others in front of her, but crosses his arms over his chest and says, "No!" or runs away if he's asked to kiss her.
At first, Mom said it was OK because Adam needed time to adjust to her. But it has been a year, and he has barely given her two pecks. She says Adam doesn't like her. But he plays with her and has fun with her. Mom is now hinting that I need to teach him to "respect" her. She has referred to him as a "little brat" to others (in front of me) when he refused to be affectionate. I think she's being childish.
I can't force my son to be affectionate with Grandma, and if I continue to press it, he may never be. What can I do to make Mom feel better? -- ADAM'S MOMMY

Dear Go East Young Eve,

Not a very compelling problem for Cr-abby to gnaw on. Hard to believe that lame A## Abby opted to print your "cry for help" with Little Awful Adam.

They say the acorn doesn't fall far from the Oak,...could it be that hubby isn't a big fan of his mother-in-law and little Adam is picking up on that vibe?

You can't force affection, but you can instill discliplne and respect. In your letter you don't suggest that grandmom does anything wrong (aside from the brat comments which seem well deserved). So, I think you need to engage the little sh*t and tell him he will give GM a peck on the check when he comes to the house and one when he leaves. You must be prepared for the predictable resistence and tantrum and give hubby the job to disclipline Adam accordngly. Rinse-Lather-Repeat until desired compliance is achieved.

I don't have the timinig completely down, but it appears that Adam was born out West and then came to the East when he was 2. Hence he did not get that bonding thing with the grandparents that would have happened had logistics not been a problem.

That excuse aside, unless there are things happening behind the scenes that you don't know about or haven't shared in your note...this Bud's for you.

Handle It,

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr=Abby from Wiser in Canada

BABY SITTER GETS SCARE OF HER LIFE IN LATE-NIGHT DRIVE HOME

DEAR CR- ABBY:

Please print this as a warning to other teenagers. A couple from church asked me to baby-sit their three kids from 7:30 until 11 p.m. last weekend. My problems began when they didn't pick me up until 9.When they didn't return at the time they had promised, I began to worry. When they finally showed up at 1 a.m., they dropped a measly $6 in my hand. Then the husband drove me home. He reeked of booze and swerved all over the road. It was the most terrifying ride of my life. I was shaking all over by the time we arrived.The next day my dad called the police and told them the man had driven me home drunk. They said that if he had called the previous night, they'd have gone over and taken a Breathalyzer test, but they could do nothing after the fact.My mom then called the woman, who swore her husband hadn't been drunk. When Mom asked her for my going rate ($3 an hour, plus double time after midnight, which would have been $15 or $19.50, if you count the time I was booked for), the woman hung up on her.Some important lessons I learned that night:1. Agree on the wage beforehand.2. If the driver appears drunk (or stoned), call your parent, a friend or a taxi even if it costs you your wages to get home. NEVER get into a car with someone you think is impaired just to be polite.3. Don't automatically trust someone because you go to the same church. Always get references and baby-sit only for people you know well. -- WISER NOW IN CANADA

Dear 16 going on 17,

Tough situation to be sure, and gald you didnt end up wrapped around a tree.

You forgot #4...when you dont have a sober ride home,..call Dad who then could have handled the drive and collected your $19.50. We have a brand new technology here in the states...cell phones, maybe you have heard of them.

All that said, baby sitters across the globe have worst stories to tell Here are some of those horrifying adventures in babysitting...

1) Getting hit on my kid's dad

2) Getting hit on my kids mom

3) Getting hit on by the Pizza delivery guy (just out of jail)

4) Kids who ingest a tad too much sugar before you arrive

5) Boyfriends who come by and raid the fridge and then dash

6) Pets who leave presents right after mom and dad leave

7) Forgetting the charger to your Ipod

8) Hitting the liquor cabinet without knowing the levels were marked by the parents

9) Television with only three channels

-and-

10) Jason, Freddie and John McCain campaign workers coming to the door

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Beside Myself in Norfolk

BROTHER-IN-LAW QUICK TO MOVE IN AFTER COUPLE'S SEPARATION

DEAR CR-ABBY: My wife, "Jill," and I are going through a divorce. I lied to her about money, spent money we didn't have and generally put her and my kids in danger of losing everything. I am doing everything I can to be accountable, but since we separated six weeks ago, Jill has slept with at least one person and is developing a "friendship" with my sister's husband. (I'll call him "Jack.")I understand that this isn't my business, but Jack is spending more time with my children (ages 1 and 3) than I can because I'm working two jobs.I told him he's not welcome at my wife's house as I pay the rent. I said the same thing to Jill, and they agreed that it's not a good idea for him to be there. It's still happening, though, and I'm very hurt by it and nearing the end of my capacity to deal with it. My sister's marriage is destroyed. My marriage is over. While my sister and I do our best to cope, Jack and Jill are having the time of their lives playing house while I pay for it. My relationship with my children is being undermined, and I don't know what to do.
-- BESIDE MYSELF IN NORFOLK

Dear Cloned Stalker in Virginia,

A good friend of Paddy's (lets call him Andrew Dice Clay) has a saying...

Jack and Jill went up the Hill each with One dollar and twenty-five cents, Jill went down and came down with Two-Fifty"!

Get used to the paying the rent/mortgage for another guy as there is a long road ahead of that for you. There is no cure for the marriage unless Jill wishes it and you whining about her other men is not going to get you there.

You can and should however make adjustments to the kiddie visitations so to insure those relationships stay in tact. In fact if you cut back on the income and elevate the kiddie time that is good for the final judgment the court awards wifey as alimony and child support.

A double win.It is tough and it sucks and I feel for you (Cr-Abby been there done that) the best advise I have is a) follow the plan above), b) stop worrying about what she's doing and c) find a friends with benefits for your sister and let her do the same for you. D) DO NOT cross the state line to WV or the family line with sis regardless of the southern traditions. Consummating your mutual Commiserating wound be BAD! Talk about confusing the kids!!!

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from Tina in Trinity, ALA

WOMAN DROWNS IN SORROW OF MAN'S DRINKING BINGES

DEAR CR-ABBY:

My ex and I have been dating since our divorce in 2000, trying to put things back together. But every six months or so, he comes to my house drunk and raises Cain in front of the kids. He never says he's sorry for anything he does or says, and it causes fights that could be avoided if he just would not drink. If he could only see how it makes him act! He does not drink all the time. But when he does, he passes out on my couch.I have told him time and time again not to come to the house if he has been drinking. If I try to make him leave, he does more in front of the kids, and he has been known to hit. How can I make it clear to him I have had enough? I love him, but I'm very tired of this every-six-months thing. I have called the law before. That just makes matters worse.Should I get away from him altogether? I want my family back together so badly. I have prayed about this for a long time. I have tried talking to him -- nothing works. Please give me some advice. -- "TINA" IN TRINITY, ALA.

Dear Father, Son and Proud Mary,

Pappy used to say, "Never try to teach a Pig to sing, it pisses off the pig and sounds like hell".

Essentially you are "hoping for an intervention from above" but aren't using all the God given gifts he gave you to help yourself. Your Ex-Semi-Ex whatever, clearly desires to be with the family but his demons are eating at him and that isn't good for anyone. You need to steel yourself and make a separation that is merited on his inability or unwillingness to act as a father and husband worthy of you and yours.

He has to make a choice, but when you let him blur the lines (come and go as he pleases) there is no penalty or incentive to change. He needs to check in to the no-juice motel for a long term care program.

Fess up, it 's okay, but part of the problem is you...and your longing for companionship and a family in tact and whole... I get it. However, your longing is causing you to make bad decisions based on "hope" not "hope and a plan". At one time I had hoped that Rachel Welch would marry me, but I forgot that tiny missing detail about her actually knowing who I was. Hope needs help!

Get a plan and be resolute.

Cr-Abby

Dear Cr-Abby from All is Fair in Love

COUPLE SPLITS COST OF LIVING, BUT NOT COST OF BIRTH CONTROL

DEAR CR-ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year. We split all the bills -- rent, utilities, etc. -- in half.A few nights ago I asked him how he felt about paying for half my birth control pills, which amounts to $40 a month. Because neither of us is ready for children, I think we should share the expense.Am I out of line to ask my boyfriend to split the cost with me? This has become a hot topic at work. The guys don't agree with me, and surprisingly, most of the women don't, either. What is your take on this? -- ALL IN LOVE IS FAIR

Dear All Upset Over Jackson, (Andrew that is)

Cr-Abby is all for equal pay for equal work...are you holding up your end? More specifically, if you go through ALL the bills are you really square up on everything right down to a ten spot each?

If you have this very unique arrangement and your down to the 2,000 pennies as the be all end all of your relationship, buy all means lock up boyfriend for his share. If he gives you any grief,..take him down the diaper and Similac aisle at Wal-Mart and how him a case of diapers is well over the ten he is hoarding.

You have all the power in this regard if you wish to deploy nukes in this battle!
Tell him to leave a Jackson on the bed stand or else, your access to port "Y" is closed during negotiations.

Cr-Abby