Dear Crabby,
My only child "lauren" is 16. Her boyfriend, "Scott", treated her well when they first started dating a year ago. Now he talks down to her, makes fun of her and breaks up with her every other week for a few days. Lauren doesn't talk to us about these break ups or anything else. She talks to Scott's mom and adad and believes everything they tell her.
Lauren used to be clsoe to my sister and her kids, but now she ignores them. She would stay at Scott's 24/7 if we let her. She goes there even when he's not home, and has asked if she coudl spend the night over there. Of course, we refuse.
We're not bad parents. Her friends all tell our daughter how lucky she is. Lauren has a nice car, pretty clothes and just about everything she wants. She doesn't have chores, but holds down a part time job for spending money.
I don't know why she allows Scott to disrespect her and why she has forsaken her family. We liked Scott and his family at first -- until they started turning our daughter against us. She'll be 18 before long, and I don;t want to lose my daughter. Help!
Dear Near Childless in Chattanooga,
You assert "we're not bad parents" and then back up that claim with your version of proof that includes "she doesn't do chores, has a nice car, pretty clothes and everything she wants!"
Cr-abby isn;t call you out as "bad parents" but I would stringly suggest that you "ideate" and reread the above paragraph...does the "proof" you offer actually demonstrate your parental acumen?
You need to suck it up and demand that she stop seeing Scott. Take the car keys, revoke priviledges etc. and end this destructive relationship. She'll no doubt howl like a wolf and act out. She may even threaten all manner of scary stuff as this will be a shock to her cottled existance to date.
Don't be frightened, be resolute. Realistically you have only two options;
a) Status Quo and lose her as she heads along this known path
b) Venture into the unknown territory called tough love and risk losing her
"A" has no chance of success
"B" has a glimmer of a chance
I'd choose "B"
Cr-Abby